


A poor prize

by weirdestone



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Demisexuality, Eventual Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, F/M, Fix-It, Friendship/Love, Heterosexuality, M/M, Male Homosexuality, POV Thorin, Pre-Slash, Slash, Slow Build, Socially Awkward Thorin Oakenshield, Warm hearted Thorin Oakenshield, demisexual thorin oakenshield, occasional Bilbo POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 09:25:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5823265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weirdestone/pseuds/weirdestone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin wants to be the brave, majestic hero that his people need him to be. But at the end of the day, he's only a dwarf with a heavy burden to carry. There was no precedent for what they were about to do and he would have been more comfortable doing it with a bigger company. But they had loyalty, honor, and willing hearts... and that was the greatest asset he could hope for. Though perhaps, he might also have a certain hobbit to help ease the burden as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We can do this... I hope

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own The Hobbit or any of the characters depicted within The Hobbit. I wish I did. Well, maybe not OWN them. More like knew them and could have them over for tea and cookies. Not to mention give them a heads up about certain events.

Thorin stared up at the hobbit hole. He had been standing there for much too long, lost in thought. How was he going to pull this off? His people were counting on them, his family was counting on him... and he was a poor hero at best. After going to every dwarf he could think of he'd only been able to find 13 willing to assist him on this quest, most of them his kin. Loyalty, honor, and a willing heart were without doubt the most important things to him on this quest. However, he would have preferred to find those qualities in more dwarves. 

Now he'd become so desperate that he was turning to a hobbit for assistance. Though these hobbits were quite possibly the cutest creatures he'd ever seen, that was not helpful when facing a dragon. Gandalf had insisted that hiring the halfling was essential to the quest, despite the fact that he already had a thief in his party. Then again, the wizard had presented a valid point that no dwarf could enter without detection into Erebor and supposedly these creatures were well suited for the work. 

Well, for fair or foul, he needed to get in there (before the others noticed him out here). He walked up to the green door and knocked. The wizard opened the door and Thorin smirked, "Gandalf." He began walking inside and tried to come up with a valid excuse for why he hadn't arrived earlier, "I thought you said this place would be easy to find. I lost my way... twice." Yes, that would work. "I wouldn't have found it at all, had it not been for that mark on the door." 

"Mark? There is no mark on that door! It was painted a week ago!" He heard a strange voice say, and he gave a strained smile. Of course he was already starting trouble, this night couldn't possibly go smoothly. 

"There is a mark there, I put it there myself." The wizard explained, clearing his throat. "Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our company. Thorin Oakenshield." 

For the first time, Thorin saw the Hobbit... Master Bilbo Baggins. He was... different than he'd expected. There was something about him, perhaps it was the way he walked or a tone in his voice but Thorin felt somehow drawn to this halfling. The hobbit had a kind, attractive (if hairless) face and golden curls that shone nicely in the firelight. Baggins seemed as uncertain as he about all this, and that was oddly comforting to him. Thorin unconsciously smiled at his new potential burglar and said, "So... This is the hobbit." He began to circle him, "Tell me Master Baggins, have you done much fighting? Axe or sword; What's your weapon of choice?" Please Mahal, let him know something about protecting himself. How could he possibly justify taking the halfling if he was unable to take care of himself? 

"Well, I have some skill at conkers, if you must know." The halfling said playfully, then seemed to think better of it. "But I fail to see how that's relevant." Adorable. Very adorable. But not a great sign. 

"I thought as much..." He turned slightly to the dwarves behind him, "He looks more like a grocer than a burglar." Then he smiled down at Master Baggins, thinking, "But you're still adorable." Honestly, he was tempted to bring him along simply for his company. Master Baggins seemed an affable sort, and he couldn't remember the last time he'd spoken to someone that didn't expect him to be majestic. Perhaps they could have been friends, sitting by the fire and smoking their pipes. Thorin had a feeling he could tell this hobbit what he thought and worried about and he wouldn't judge him or think less of him for it. It was a nice thought, but not a possibility. 

Thorin sat down and began to eat, the food was delicious, as the company questioned him about his actions. Of course, his shield brother Dwalin cut right to the heart of it and asked about Dain. So, of course, he had to tell them that they would not come. He had mixed feelings about that. On the one hand, he could understand Dain not wishing to risk his people on a quest that "was not their own". However, that did not mean that he did not think he was a damned coward. 

Afterwards, they took out the map and the hobbit brought out more light as they discussed their plans. When Smaug was brought up Master Baggins seemed very put off, especially as Bofur began to explain to him who and what Smaug was. Ori, the sweet boy, insisted that he was not afraid and Dori quickly sat him back down as Balin talked about how difficult it would be to put Smaug down with an army, let alone 13 of "neither the best, nor brightest". 

"Thank you, Balin. That helps so very much, you should write motivational speeches." Thorin thought with a sigh. 

Of course, the entire company erupted into chaos afterwards and Thorin knew he would have to say something to get them back on track. So he stood up and reminded them of the importance of their quest, how dire it was to finish it quickly, and rallied them with a battle cry. 

Then... Balin. Thorin loved Balin, but he could bring rain to the brightest day; What with his logic and... and reasoning. 

Though he did have a point. How would they get into the mountain? 

"That, is not entirely true." Gandalf said, producing a key. 

Thorin could only stare and ask in wonder, "How came you by this?" 

"It was given to me by your father, by Thrain. For safekeeping." Gandalf said softly. Then the wizard held the key out to Thorin and said, "It is yours now." 

Thorin took it gently and began turning it in his hands, studying it reverently. He had not seen it in such a long time, it was like a memory of a memory. But it symbolized hope, and felt like his father was giving him one last gift... one of the most precious he'd ever gotten. 

"If there is a key, then there must be a door." Fili said, looking around the table. 

"There's another way in!" Kili said excitedly. 

Gandalf began explaining the plan, and what they would need. First and foremost, they would need a burglar. Poor Master Baggins walked right into that, saying they'd need an "expert burglar". He felt for the creature, he really did, but perhaps it was best to come right out with the truth that he was no burglar and they needed to find someone else. 

"And are you?" One of the company asked. 

Bilbo looked around the room, confused, "Am I what?" 

"He said he was an expert!" Oin shouted happily. 

"Me? No nononononono I'm not a burglar!" Master Baggins was quick to correct. "I've never stolen a thing in my life!" Well, at least their coin purses were safe. 

"Then I'd have to agree with Master Baggins, he's hardly burglar material." Balin said. Thorin was glad that he hadn't been the one to say it. 

"Aye, the wild is no place for gentle folk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves." Dwalin said, looking almost sympathetic, as the company agreed with him. It wasn't that Master Baggins seemed incapable, necessarily. Thorin was sure that he was perfectly capable at being a hobbit. He just was entirely unsuitable to be the one to try to burgle his way into Erebor past Smaug himself. If Thorin needed a proper cup of tea, however, he was sure Master Baggins would be a fine choice. 

"Enough!" Gandalf shouted in an increasingly booming voice and making the room dark. How overdramatic. " If I say that Master Baggins is a burglar, than a burglar he is! Hobbits are remarkably light on their feet! In fact, they can pass unseen by most if they choose. And, while the dragon may be accustomed to the smell of Dwarf, the stench of hobbit is all but unknown to him which gives us a distinct advantage." He'd explained all of this to him before, and Thorin was reminded of why it had seemed perfectly logical at the time. Gandalf sat back down and leaned towards Thorin beseechingly, "You asked me to choose the 14th member of this company, and I have chosen Mister Baggins. There's a lot more to him than appearances suggest." Well, he certainly hoped so! "And he's got a great deal more to offer than any of you know!" Gandalf looked around the room then his eyes settled on the hobbit and said lowly, "Including himself." 

Gandalf leaned towards him again and looked into his eyes, "You must trust me on this." 

Thorin wanted to say, "If you get this sweet creature killed, I will set your robe on fire!" But instead he sighed and said, "Very well, we'll do it your way." Behind him, he heard the hobbit try to stop him. "Give him the contract." All the halfling had to do was not sign the contract, and then they would all be blameless in this matter and could go about their merry way. Perhaps if they somehow did manage to retake Erebor Thorin could send Master Baggins some gold to pay for their room and board, maybe also with an invitation to come visit if he was so inclined. He truly did like the creature. 

Balin handed Master Baggins the contract, and he rushed out with it. 

As the hobbit was reading the contract Thorin leaned forward and said, "I cannot guarantee his safety." Perhaps that would finally put the wizard off this whole idea. Didn't he care about the hobbit at all? What could he be thinking sending this tiny, sweet creature off with them on a suicide mission? He was clearly fond of Master Baggins, so how could he do this? Furthermore, how could he do this to him? Even though he couldn't guarantee his safety, Thorin knew if Master Baggins came on this quest that he would be looking out for him as much as possible. How could he not? Master Baggins didn't deserve to be punished for agreeing to help a bunch of strange dwarrows that he did not owe anything to. It would become a distraction that he did not need. 

But, of course, the wizard merely whispered, "Understood." In that moment, Thorin truly hated the wizard. 

"Nor will I be responsible for his fate." Damn you, wizard. Damn you. What did he have to say to Gandalf to put him off this foolish idea? 

Gandalf hesitated, then slowly said, "Agreed." 

"I hope something eats you, old man." Thorin thought. 

They heard Master Baggins reading the contract behind them and suddenly the hobbit squaked, "Incineration." 

Then Bofur began to explain in further detail how terrifying and dangerous the dragon was, as the hobbit began to hyperventilate. All leading to Bilbo standing up and saying, "Nope..." Before fainting dead away. 

Gandalf sighed and said, "You're very helpful, Bofur." 

Thorin turned and went to the hobbit, picking him up easily and carrying him to an easy chair. Poor thing, at least that was the end of that. He'd have Dori brew him a nice cup of tea. 

After a while, they saw the hobbit walk down the hall to his room and Balin said, "It appears we have lost our burglar." Yes, and it was a good thing too. Thorin watched the hobbit walk down the hallway, and couldn't help feeling a tinge of sadness. Though he was happy the hobbit would be safe, he was sad at the missed opportunity to get to know him and at the loss of the slight hope that Master Baggins would actually be able to pull off what Gandalf said he could. "Probably for the best. Earth rose against us..." After that Balin melted into sad musings about their unsuitableness for the quest. 

"There are a few warriors amongst us." Thorin said, smiling fondly at his old friend. 

"Old warriors..." 

"I would take each and every one of these warriors over the dwarves of the Iron Hills. For when I called upon them, they answered. Loyalty, honor, and a willing heart... I can ask no more than that." He meant it, with all his heart. 

Balin, once again, tried to dissuade him from the quest. Telling him that he had a choice. Truly, Thorin wished he had a choice. But he could not reject this chance, especially not now that he had the key. Thorin expressed this to Balin, and Balin sadly agreed that they were with him. 

They joined the rest of the company, and together they sang a song of their people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fanfiction for this fandom so please be gentle. It's also my first fanfiction depicting a homosexual/demisexual relationship so I hope you like it.


	2. The contract and the sleepless night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin has mixed feelings about the Hobbit deciding to join their quest at the last minute. However, his feelings are far from mixed about his interrupted sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own The Hobbit or any of its characters.

When Thorin woke up he just laid there for a moment, toying with the idea of staying for breakfast. He could send some of the company out to find some eggs, or perhaps some rabbits. Bombur could cook them up and when Master Baggins awoke maybe Thorin could talk to him personally. Although the hobbit clearly wasn't the correct choice for a burglar, perhaps he knew who was. In the meantime, they could also get to know each other. Thorin had never actually met a hobbit, and felt compelled to know this one. 

But that was fantasy, and they had to leave as soon as possible. So, he got up and roused the rest of the company. He insisted that everyone clean up the remainder of the mess from last night as Bombur and Dori made a light breakfast of buttered toast and tea. When everything was finished, they left quietly. On the way out, however, Thorin was struck by the compulsion to leave the contract there. He didn't know why. He knew Master Baggins did not wish to join their company, nor did he truly wish for him to come. But the compulsion was strong, and he decided that it couldn't hurt anything to leave it there. So, he signed the contract and asked Balin to sign as witness before they left. After all, if nothing else it would be a good souvenir for the fellow. 

No one was more surprised than he when not an hour later he heard a cute voice screaming, "Wait! Wait!" Everyone turned to see Master Baggins running towards them with the contract flapping in the wind behind him. Thorin honestly could not believe his eyes. What could have possibly possessed the sweet creature to come racing after them like that? He'd made it clear that he did not want anything to do with their quest. What had changed his dear little mind? One way or another, he couldn't help a small part of him that was pleased to see him. "I signed it!" Master Baggins said, obviously pleased with himself, as he handed the contract to Balin. 

Balin took the contract and looked it over with his looking glass, before stating, "Everything seems to be in order. Welcome Bilbo Baggins to the company of Thorin Oakenshield." Balin then gave Master Baggins a friendly wink. 

Thorin could barely hide his small grin of pleasure as he turned his pony and said, "Give him a pony." 

Bilbo immediately started dismissing the idea of using a pony, but Thorin's orders were quickly carried out and he was put onto the gentlest pony they had. Honestly, did the halfling truly think he would be able to keep up with an entire company of dwarves that were all riding ponies while he was on foot? 

The rest of the company began paying their bets on whether or not the hobbit would show up. Suddenly they heard, "Wait, wait! We have to stop! We have to turn around!" 

Gandalf asked, "What's the matter?" 

"I forgot my handkerchief!" Bilbo stated in despair. 

Bofur promptly ripped off a piece of his coat, "Here! Use this!" And threw the piece of cloth to the hobbit. The hobbit was clearly displeased at the notion, but that was just too damn bad. As cute as the hobbit was, and though Thorin is grateful he decided to join them, there was no way they were turning back over his handkerchief. Master Baggins would have to learn to do without very quickly if he was going to make it out here. 

That night, Thorin observed the hobbit sneaking out of the camp towards his pony Myrtle. He had noticed the hobbit pocketing an apple earlier that day, and was glad that he was using it to bond with her. On the road, anything that made their lives happier and easier was a good thing. That is, up until they began to run out of food. Then midnight snacks for ponies would have to end. 

Thorin closed his eyes again and drifted back into a light sleep, up until he heard someone say the word, "Orcs" and he was instantly awake and looking around. Those damned creatures had better not be anywhere near them! He'd cut all their throats himself! How dare they?!? 

That's when he noticed Fili and Kili telling Master Baggins about Orcs and clearly trying to frighten them. He frowned at his nephews and did not approve of their actions, both scaring an innocent creature who was likely frightened enough and also them clearly taking lightly a very real threat to their health and safety. It all culminated in FIli and Kili laughing together, and that's when he couldn't keep silent any longer, "You think that's funny?" He stood up and began walking around, "You think that a night raid by orcs is a joke?" 

Kili looked down, clearly ashamed, "I didn't mean anything by it." Damn it. He loved his nephews with all his heart, they were like sons to him. However, he always seemed to be the one making them unhappy and he didn't know what to do about it. But there was nothing he could do about that right now, seeing as they really did need to realize that Orcs were not a joking matter. He shouldn't have brought them on this quest, shouldn't have put them in danger. Other than his sister Dis, his nephews were the most important people in his life and it made him sick to think something could happen to them on this quest. He should have listened to his sister, shouldn't have allowed their begging to convince him that it would be alright. 

"No, you didn't. You know nothing of the world." Thorin growled, as he walked away from the camp to get some air and clear his head. Why did they have to put him in this position? He couldn't even get a decent night's rest. 

He stood out closer to the edge of the cliff where the ponies were and tried to clear his mind of the terrible memories of the past. Of losing his kingdom. Of losing his Father and Grandfather... of losing his... his brother. Vaguely, he heard Balin yammering on about something, but he paid it no heed. In his mind, he saw Azog and all that he'd taken from him. To this day, Thorin regretted not beheading the beast while he could and being absolutely certain he was dead. Though everyone insisted that he must have died of his wounds, there was still a part of him that just knew the monster was still alive. 

When he finally turned around to rejoin the camp he saw that half the company was now standing behind him, looking at him with awe. Damn it, Balin, what did you do? 

"And the pale orc? What became of him?" Master Baggins asked. 

Oh, he knew the answer to this one. "Slunk back into the hole from which he came." Then said to comfort himself as much as the hobbit, "That filth died of his wounds long ago." Don't worry, little halfling, there are no pale orcs to cloud your dreams this night. At least, he hoped so. 

He settled himself at the edge of the camp and realized that he would not be getting anymore sleep. Everyone was buzzing about apparently hearing all about the battle in Moria. Didn't they have anything better to do? Wasn't there enough to ponder without dredging up the past? He was no hero. If he'd been a hero more of his people would have survived, his family would have survived. Now Balin will have put that stupid notion into the minds of his nephews and he'd have even more to live up to. Or worse, their level of hero worship towards him would reach a level where everything he did would be excused... which left a bitter taste in his mouth. He struck up a pipe it tried to let it soothe his troubled mind. 

"What are you going to do you big, lumbering idiot? What are you going to do?" Thorin whispered to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the love! I'm really glad you're enjoying it so far :)


	3. Nobody asked your opinion, Gandalf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own the hobbit or any of its characters

When Thorin awoke, he went to the fire and sat across from Bombur as he made their breakfast. He lit his pipe and watched the sunrise. Eventually, Fili and Kili woke up and took a seat on either side of him. He calmly put out his pipe then wrapped an arm around each of his nephews, and they returned his embrace. "I am sorry that I was harsh with you. But there are some things in this world that must not be taken lightly. By allowing you to come on this quest, I have put you in harms way. It would ease my mind if you would take that as seriously as I do." 

"We can take care of ourselves, Uncle!" Kili protested. 

Thorin sighed, "Yes, you can. If you couldn't, I would not have brought you along. That doesn't change the fact that you are my nephews and heirs, and I would no sooner see you harmed than I would set myself on fire." 

"I understand, Uncle." Fili shot his little brother a stern look, "And we will try to be more careful in the future. We will not let you down." 

Thorin smiled softly at Fili, "I know you won't." He observed the halfling stirring in his bedroll, "And do try not to tease the Hobbit too much. He's going to have a hard enough time surviving without being constantly harassed by you two." 

They chuckled and Fili said, "Alright Uncle, we'll try." 

Thorin shook his head, "That's all I ask." He got up to go find Dwalin for some sparring practice. As he left he passed Master Baggins waking up and their eyes briefly met. Thorin sighed and shook his head, of course the halfling was the last to wake up. Probably couldn't remember why he'd left his warm, comfortable bed in the first place. Thorin should have never let him come. 

"Uhm... Good Morning?" Master Baggins said timidly, sitting up. 

Thorin grunted, "Good Morning, Master Baggins." It was much too early in the morning to attempt a first conversation with the hobbit. "It would be better if you tried to wake earlier, we need to leave as early as possible to make the most of the daylight." 

Bilbo looked as If Thorin had slapped him, "Yes sir." 

"I am not a sir, Halfling." Thorin growled. "And don't look so abused over something so small. We will not tiptoe around your delicate feelings and it would be best for you to remember that." He couldn't even imagine how someone less sensitive to other's feelings than he might make the creature feel. It was best if he understood that he was no longer around gentle folk right from the start. 

The hobbit looked like he was about to cry, so Thorin sighed and walked away. As he passed Bofur (he was the one Master Baggins had taken to right?) he said, "Please go comfort the hobbit, he seems upset." Without another word he finally found Dwalin and they walked off for their morning practice. 

Thorin brushed his pony softly, preparing to saddle him, and whispered to him in Khuzdul. "You are such a good pony. We're going to have a long day today, but I brought you something to soften the blow..." He brought out a carrot from his pocket and held it out for his pony Minty. Minty nibbled on the carrot and Thorin softly stroked his mane. 

Dwalin came and smacked him on the back, "Ready?" 

Thorin grunted. 

"I heard you made the hobbit cry. Congratulations." Dwalin said dryly. 

What?!? "How did I make him cry? All I did was give him advice!" 

"In case you haven't noticed, tact isn't really your thing Thorin." 

Thorin narrowed his eyes at his best friend, "I don't know what you're talking about. Now are we going to saddle up or are we going to talk about feelings all day?" 

Dwalin laughed, "Whatever you say." He slapped him on the back one more time and went to finish his preparations for the day. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

"I told you already, I will not go near that place." Thorin growled, why couldn't the damn old man understand that? 

"Why not?!? The elves could help us! We could get food, rest... advice!" Gandalf insisted, following him to the back of the tragic burnt farm house. 

How did the wizard do it? Seriously. His day was going so very smoothly, and then Gandalf suggested that he take advice from elves. ELVES! Not only food and shelter from them but advice! Why didn't they all just retire to the ocean together and cuddle? Maybe the hobbit could teach them all how to make doilies. Not to mention candy might rain from the sky and his dead family members could turn out to have just been really sick. 

Take advice from elves... BAH! "I do not need their advice!" Thorin hissed at the Wizard. 

"We have a map that we cannot read... Lord Elrond could help us..." 

"Help? Dragon attacks Erebor... what help came from the elves?" Elves. "Orcs plunder Moria... desecrate our sacred halls... The elves looked on and did nothing!" Damn every last one of them! Those worthless, shiftless tree humpers should all be thrown into a bottomless pit! DAMN THEM! "You ask me to seek out the very people that betrayed my Grandfather... Betrayed my Father!" He missed Thrain so very much. What he wouldn't give to be able to talk to him right now, to have some sort of reassurance from him that what he was doing was right. 

"You are neither of them! I did not give you that key for you to hold on to the past!" 

DAMN YOU TOO WIZARD!!! "I did not know that they were yours to keep!" Thorin hissed at Gandalf. 

Gandalf sighed, shook his head, and walked away. Fine, go ahead and leave wizard. They didn't need him, he was useless anyway. 

"Everything alright? Gandalf?" The hobbit asked kindly, his warm eyes filled with concern. Balin was next to Master Baggins and seemed none too pleased by the wizard's actions either. "Where are you going?" The rest of the company watched the retreating wizard with looks of mixed alarm and concern. Thanks, everyone, that certainly is a confidence booster. 

"To seek out the only one around here with any sense!" Gandalf shouted. Whatever, wizard, if that's what you call sense than he didn't want any. 

"And who's that?" Master Baggins asked timidly. 

"Myself, Master Baggins!" Gandalf shouted as he neared the end of the company. 

"Don't take out your hissy fit on the sweet little hobbit, Gandalf. It's not his fault that you've completely lost your mind and refuse to admit it!" Thorin thought, watching him go. He looked at Master Baggins and the halfling looked as if he was about to cry. Poor thing, if they'd been friends he might have given him a friendly pat and some kind words. But seeing as the only conversation they'd had so far had apparently resulted in him crying Thorin didn't think it was the best idea. So hopefully Bofur or one of the younger dwarves could cheer him up. Meanwhile, Thorin knew for a fact that Balin was going to want to know exactly what happened and he'd be chided like he was very young indeed. 

But in the meantime, "Come on Bombur, we're hungry!" No use starving as well as losing their useless wizard. 

After over an hour of listening to Balin chide him for his behavior, all Thorin wanted to do was be around people that liked him and never questioned his judgment. Which meant Fili and Kili. However, when he came upon them he distinctly saw the signs of them having done something stupid. 

"But if we tell Uncle Thorin..." Kili whined. 

"Tell me what?!?" Thorin boomed in his most imperious voice. Hopefully if he startled them they'd just come on out with it and they could fix it before anyone else had to know. Then he'd chide them, smack them upside the head, and then they could all go back to their dinner and he could get his much needed nephew affection. 

They both gave him a strained smile then Fili told him the situation hurriedly. 

"You did WHAT?!?!" Thorin shouted in fury. Not only did they lose four ponies but they sent the hobbit to retrieve them from trolls?!? This couldn't possibly be happening. His own kin couldn't possibly be that stupid. Then he groaned and said, "You two go help the hobbit and I'll bring reinforcements. I cannot believe you two! I can’t even trust you to watch ponies?" 

They began to look ashamed until he shouted, "Go!" They ran off and he ran back to camp to tell the others to take up arms. 

They got there just in time to see the poor hobbit being thrown at his beloved nephew by trolls, and he was furious. He shouted a battle cry and ran into the clearing without checking if the others were following him. 

The battle with the trolls began and just when they thought they'd gotten the upper hand Thorin saw that they had Master Baggins! He stopped dead in this tracks, staring up at the sweet, darling little hobbit in danger of having his limbs ripped off! He stopped Kili from rushing in to save him again and the company stared up at the poor creature in worry and anticipation. 

The trolls gargled, "Drop your arms, or we'll rip his off!" 

He stared into the hobbit's sweet eyes and saw the absolute terror there, seeming to be directly putting his hope in Thorin to save him. There was no reason for the hobbit to have that sort of trust in him. They didn't know each other, Thorin hadn't proven himself to Master Baggins... Yet, for one reason or another, the hobbit was looking at him as if Thorin was the bravest, mightiest, and most honorable hero to ever live and would absolutely think of something to save him. 

What lovely, if misplaced, sentiment. 

Because of that, and because of some other nagging little feeling in the pit of his stomach that for whatever reason couldn't bear the thought of Master Baggins dying if there was any chance he could stop it... he laid down his sword. 

The company, especially Kili, seemed surprised (to say the least) but they all did the same. 

"Don't bother cookin' im'!" One of the trolls gurgled, "Lets just sit on im' and turn im' into jelly!" 

What a terrible and undignified death that would be! 

"No! They should be sauteed and grilled, with a sprinkle of sage." Another troll gurgled. 

Fabulous, a gourmet troll was going to kill them. 

"Ooh! That does sound nice!" The other troll gurgled. 

With that, the members of the company lucky enough to be in bags and not roasting on a spit began to try in earnest to break free of their burlap prison. Thorin began to try and pry the rope on his bag loose with his teeth. It was then that Master Baggins shouted, "Wait! You are making a terrible mistake!" 

"No, really? Killing us and eating us for dinner was a mistake? Who would have thought?" Thorin thought. 

"You can't reason with them, they're half-wits!" Dori shouted from the spit. 

"Half-wits? What does that make us?!?" Bofur shouted back from the other side of the spit. 

He did have a point. 

"I meant with the... with the uh... seasoning." The hobbit offered as he hopped up and over to the trolls, still inside the bag. 

Seriously, halfling? You're about to be eaten and you're concerned about the seasoning? It must be a hobbit thing. 

One of the trolls stepped forward and asked, "What about the seasoning?" 

"Well, have you smelled them? You'll need something a lot stronger than sage before you plate this lot up!" The hobbit said in disgust. 

"TRAITOR!!!" Thorin shouted. He couldn't believe he'd actually cared and worried about that damned hobbit! He should have let the trolls eat him! 

"What do you know about cooking dwarf?" The troll at the spit sneered. 

"Shut up! And let the flurgaburble hobbit talk!" The gourmet troll said. 

The hobbit smiled charmingly. "The secret to cooking dwarf is... uhm..." He stopped, clearly thinking. Thorin hoped against hope that the hobbit was trying to come up with something to help all of them and not just himself. The trolls began to insist on knowing the secret. "I'm telling you the secret! Yes... Uhm..." He looked at Thorin. "The secret is... to... skin them first!" 

"WHAT!?!" Thorin shouted and they all began trying to escape even harder, if that was possible. 

The gourmet troll seemed interested and called for his filleting knife, but the other troll was apparently done with the cooking class and went up and grabbed poor Bombur and held him above his head seemingly to be about to try and eat him whole. 

"No! Not that one! He... he's infected!" The hobbit shouted out. 

"What?" The trolls asked. 

"Yes, he's got... worms. In his... tubes." The hobbit said, clearly grasping at straws. 

The trolls began to squeal and the one holding Bombur dropped him. 

"Yes, in fact they all have them. They're all infested with parasites. It's a nasty business, I wouldn't risk it. I really wouldn't." The hobbit said passionately, as if he was a dear friend of the trolls who was only looking out for their well-being. 

Kili began to scream, "We don't have parasites! You have parasites!" 

It was then that Thorin realized what Bilbo was doing. He gave Kili a swift kick, hopefully it would start up what reasoning capability he had to his name. "Oh, Master Baggins, I could kiss you!" Thorin thought. Kili and Oin both looked at him and he gave them a look back. 

That seemed to get them on board with what was going on. 

"I've got parasites as big as my arm!" Oin shouted. 

"I've got the biggest parasites! I've got huge parasites!" Kili screamed. 

"We're riddled!" 

"Yes we're riddled! We really are!" Dori shouted from the spit. 

"What would you have us do? Let em' go?" The gourmet troll asked, walking up to the hobbit. 

"Well..." The hobbit said, effecting a look on his face that said it wouldn't be a bad idea at all. 

The gourmet troll finally seemed to catch on, damn it, and was harassing Master Baggins and called him a ferret. Ferret, really? His sweet, little hobbit wasn't a ferret! 

The hobbit seemed equally insulted, "Ferret?!?!" 

That's when Gandalf finally decided to show up and help them. He cracked the boulder behind the trolls and turned them all to stone. 

Thorin smiled, maybe Gandalf wasn't so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thorin, you are not as smooth as you think you are.


	4. Treasure, Wargs, and Wizards... Oh my!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own The Hobbit or any of it's characters.
> 
> Just as a warning, I will on occasion take a few linguistic liberties. This isn't because I'm being lazy so much as I think it's more important that everyone be able to read the story with minimum difficulty than it is to even attempt to mirror the (literally) linguistic genius of Professor Tolkien. I promise that I won't go overboard with it.

"Where did you go, if I might ask?" Thorin asked as he walked back toward the trolls camp from where he'd been surveying the area. Because really, what was the point of bringing a wizard along if he wasn't coming along? 

"To look ahead." Gandalf said. 

"What brought you back?" 

"Looking behind," Gandalf said slowly and full of caring. 

Thorin truly did appreciate it, and couldn't help but smile and nod in thanks. He was a dwarf who believed in credit where credit was due, and without Gandalf they all would've likely died. 

"Nasty business, but they are all in one piece so..." Gandalf said cheerfully as he smiled at the company. 

"No thanks to your burglar," Thorin pointed out. As much as Thorin appreciated what Bilbo was trying to do, he still was the one who got them into trouble in the first place. He still was the one who got them into even further trouble by getting himself caught. And most certainly he still almost got them skinned and was about to get them all eaten in quick order if Gandalf hadn't shown up. He liked the little burglar, he really did... in the same way he liked puppies, children, and rainbows. However, he was officially becoming tired of holding out hope that the hairless little nugget was going to be of any use to them. He certainly couldn't respect, let alone trust, the burglar with any task larger than helping Bombur fix their meals. Why not just send the halfling home now and save them all some heartache? 

Gandalf gave him a disbelieving, then disgruntled, look before saying, "He had the nerves to play for time." Gandalf looked seriously into Thorin's eyes, "None of the rest of you thought of that." 

At that, Thorin felt a little guilty. The wizard was absolutely right, the hobbit was the only one who had tried... well... much of anything other than struggling once things looked truly dire. The halfling certainly deserved credit for that, and Thorin wouldn't deny him that of course. 

Gandalf looked at the trolls again and said with fascination, "They must have come down from the Ettenmoors..." 

That got Thorin's attention immediately, "Since when do mountain trolls travel this far south?" That definitely was not a good thing. 

Gandalf shook his head, "Oh, not for an age!" Which, to a wizard, was likely to be a great deal longer than Thorin's concept of an age. The wizard gave him a nervous look, "Not since a darker power ruled these lands." 

Thorin met Gandalf's eyes. If a wizard seemed nervous, Thorin was intelligent enough to know that it meant that he should be terrified. What exactly did a darker power mean? There were many things in the world that were evil beyond comprehension, so something that was so evil it was registered as a "dark power" had to be... shudder worthy. 

Gandalf looked around, "They could not have moved in daylight." 

Suddenly, the answer hit him, "There must be a cave nearby!" He said as he spun around to survey their surroundings. He spotted the opening... and immediately regretted it. Never in his life had he come across such a dank, pestulant hole as the one they were about to enter. It smelled as if a stinky animal had eaten a stinky plant and shat out the plant when suddenly a even stinkier predator came behind and ate the stinky animal as well as the feces then was caught by the trolls and they ate the predator before passing it and spreading the excrement along the walls of their home. There were disintegrating things everywhere at the mouth of the cave and Gandalf told them to be careful what they touched. 

The company took interest in the piles of gold laying about and Gloin began the effort to collect as much of it as possible (Mahal bless him). Thorin took interest in some swords that were covered in cobwebs but otherwise absolutely breathtaking. He held them up in the dim firelight to examine and even the sheaths and hilts were beyond words. Thorin knew that his thoughts must show on his face, but he couldn't bring himself to care. "These were not made by any troll," He said, breathless. Gandalf walked over and Thorin handed him one of the swords and went back to staring at the other. 

Gandalf examined it and said, "Nor were they made by any smith among men." He carefully slid the blade out of its sheath, then looked at Thorin, "These were made in Gondolin! By the high elves of the first age!" 

Thorin immediately stopped what he was doing and glared at the wizard. Why did it have to be elves? Why did the wizard let him touch them? Or at the very least he could have refrained from telling him! He began to put the sword back. 

"You could not wish for a finer blade!" Gandalf shouted sternly. 

Well, if it couldn't be helped... 

He slid the sword out of its sheath and turned it around to examine it. It truly was a fine weapon, and at least he had the comfort that the elves who made them were long dead and the weapons were stolen from their pointy faces. Right? 

He noticed Gloin, Nori, and Bofur burying the gold and saying something about "a long term deposit" which was... it was just ridiculous. By the look on Dwalin's face, he obviously agreed. And that, was one of the many reasons why Dwalin was his best and oldest friend. 

"Let's get out of this foul place. Come on, let's go!" He ordered the company and they were quick to follow behind him. He looked behind him, "We're going north!" 

He looked at Dwalin once they were out and said, "What do you think? Should we try to find the ponies?" 

Dwalin shook his head, "Oh, I’m sure they're long gone by now. Besides, we're nearing the time where they'll be more burden than useful anyhow." 

Thorin nodded his head, "You have a point." Then he looked at Dwalin and whispered, "Did you gather up any gold?" 

Dwalin smiled conspiratorially and threw him Thorin's half of the stash. 

Thorin smiled, "I knew I could count on you." 

Dwalin nodded his head and smiled, "And I, you, brother." 

Thorin gripped Dwalin's shoulder and then noticed a rustling in the bushes and screamed out, "Something's coming!" Then everyone began to run. There was no use fighting a battle if they didn't need to, and certainly not if they didn't know what they were battling. 

Shortly after, however, the thing showed itself. It was a strange sort of slet that was pulled by... giant rabbits? The rider was arguably stranger, with his brown clothing and... what looked like different types of feces and mold, on his person. He began screaming bloody murder, literally, and Gandalf welcomed him as "Radagast the brown" and began talking to the strange man. 

The company decided to stay there and rest for a bit while the two wizards conversed. Thorin took that moment to approach the hobbit. He looked down at the hobbit, who was studying something that was somewhere between a dagger and a sword (but obviously of fine make still) and cleared his throat. The hobbit instantly put it away and looked up at Thorin, startled. 

Thorin gave Master Baggins a smile that he hoped was warm, "I appreciate what you did, back with the trolls. You were the only one of us actively trying to help us escape. It was very brave of you, so I thank you Master Baggins." 

The hobbit looked down and... blushed? No, that couldn't be right. Then the halfling gave a small smile and said, "It was nothing. I couldn't just let the trolls eat us all if there was anything I could do to stop it." 

Thorin looked at him soberly, "Yes, you could have. There were all manner of things that you could have done, but you decided on one of noble intentions. It is no small thing." 

Bilbo looked up at him and smiled brightly for a moment, and Thorin couldn't help noticing that he had a truly lovely smile. "Well, you're very welcome Thorin." Thorin? That was very forward of him. "But still... if Gandalf hadn't come along..." 

"Let's not think about it." Thorin said, holding up his hand. "The point is he did, and that you really need to take a compliment with more grace." 

Bilbo looked down and blushed again, and when he lifted his face once more his smile wasn't quite as bright, "I'll keep it in mind." 

Damn it, he'd done it again! Oh well, he'd tried. So Thorin sighed and said, "I must... tend to my nephews. If you'll excuse me." Thorin said, and without waiting for an answer he shuffled off towards Fili and Kili. 

After some time talking to his nephews and Dwalin about small things and enjoying the morning sunlight they heard a horrifying, and familiar, sound. Master Baggins was quick to notice, and jumped up looking frightened, "Was that a wolf? Are there wolves out there?" If only it was just a mere wolf. Thorin stood up immediately and drew his new sword slowly as he saw the warg poke his head up from the cliff above and behind the hobbit, Dwalin quickly following suit. Oh no, this would not do at all. 

"Wolf? No, that is not a wolf." Bofur answered, looking as if he might (rightly) wet himself at any moment. 

The Warg made his way down the cliff and pounced into their numbers, Thorin and Dwalin making short work of killing the beast. Thankfully his nephews were watching his back and Kili shot an arrow at a warg that was trying to surprise him from behind and killed him instantly, and blessedly with great accuracy. It was at that moment that he was very, very glad that he let Kili learn how to shoot a bow despite it being a traditionally elven weapon. 

"Warg scout!" Thorin shouted as he took his sword out of the Warg's skull. "Which means that an orc pack isn't far behind." 

"Orc pack!?!" The halfling exclaimed, a mixture of alarm and disbelief written on his face. 

"Who did you tell of this quest, beyond your kin?" Gandalf shouted at him. 

"No one," Thorin replied quietly, earnestly. 

"Who did you tell?!?" Gandalf shouted right at his face. 

"No one, I swear!" Thorin said, feeling like a child being chided for breaking a lamp he'd been nowhere near... only with much deeper implications. 

Gandalf finally seemed to believe him, and settled for being upset in general rather than at him. 

Thorin stepped closer, "What in Durin's name is going on?!?" He needed answers, now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bofurandori)


	5. Wargs, wargs everywhere!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own the hobbit or any of its characters. I am making no money off of this.

"You are being hunted..." Gandalf said nervously. 

"We have to get out of here!" Dwalin growled. 

"We can't!" Ori yelled, running back over the hill towards them. "They've bolted!" 

"I'll draw them off!" The brown wizard stated, fiddling with his disgraceful beard. 

"These are Gundabad wargs! They will outrun you!" Gandalf insisted. 

"These are Rustabell rabbits!" The brown wizard said, almost cockily. Then said very seriously and confidently, looking directly into Gandalf's eyes, "I'd like to see them try." 

Thorin wasn't sure if he should feel relieved or terrified. After all, the wizard had feces on his beard, hair, and face. That was not something that created a great deal of confidence in a Dwarf. 

Quick as a flash, the brown wizard got on his sled and took off with his (admittedly very swift) rabbits. Gandalf watched him leading the wargs away and then screamed out, "Come on!" And for once Thorin was more than willing to follow the old man's direction. 

He and a few others of the company ran ahead, only to stop as they saw the brown wizard riding right in front of them with the orcs and wargs following close behind. "Stay together," Gandalf whispered and the company turned around and began running in a different direction. Then, yet again, the wizard and his followers were right in front of them and the company had to stop dead in their tracks. Poor, dear Ori didn't notice in time and kept running but thankfully Thorin was able to grab Ori by the shoulder saying, "Ori, no! Get back!" Before bodily pushing the youngest dwarf behind him. Gandalf began directing them again and Thorin realized then that something was a bit... off. 

"Where are you leading us?" Thorin asked, watching the company running in the direction Gandalf pointed. 

Gandalf made a face, and that did not bode well. Not at all. But now was not the time to talk about such things, so he took a firmer grip on his axe and followed along. Soon they had to hide behind another boulder and soon an orc ran over to it and got on top of it, and Thorin could hear the warg growling menacingly as the orc drew its weapon. Thorin chanced a look at the creatures and saw them turning in circles, clearly they'd detected something of them. He then looked over at Kili beside them and gave him a meaningful look and then gave a nod towards his nephew's bow. Kili, blessedly, quickly got the hint and drew an arrow before running just far enough to be able to aim at the Orc and downing them both... but not killing them. Really, it only pissed them off. 

Damn. 

They'd rolled off of the boulder and were now coming at them with rage in their eyes. Dwalin quickly took on the Orc as Bifur took on the warg before the rest of the company banded together to swiftly kill the both of them. Unfortunately, they made enough noise doing so to wake the dead. Sure enough, they soon heard the wargs' dreadful howling coming towards them. Gandalf looked in the direction of the noise and soon yelled in terror, "Move! Run!!!!" 

They didn't have to be told twice. They ran away as fast as they could, but Dwalin spotted them over the horizon and Gandalf had them change directions again. Kili ran towards him and shouted, "There's more coming!" 

Did he have to tell that boy everything? "Kili! Shoot them!" Honestly! 

"We're surrounded!" Fili yelled, drawing his sword and coming towards the group as Kili began firing off arrows. 

Someone yelled, "Where's Gandalf?" 

Dwalin came to his side and growled, "He's abandoned us!" Surprise, surprise. 

The company banded together, arms at the ready. Even Ori with his little slingshot, which he shot off at one of the warg's forehead, obviously annoying it greatly and Ori clearly regretted his decision immediately. "Hold your ground!" Thorin yelled out, pulling his new sword out of its sheath and hearing it sing to him as he did. It was as if it was happy that it would be able to kill something again. 

Suddenly they heard Gandalf yell, "This way, you fools!" It wasn't really fair to call them fools. Honestly, did that senile old fart expect them to read his mind or something? Still, he was glad for an option other then fight to their death with these creatures. 

So, Thorin quickly directed, "Come on, move!" Before running towards the rock Gandalf was at. He saw the tunnel Gandalf had gone down and turned and said, "Quickly! All of you!" Bofur was the first to slide down, and Thorin had to respect a dwarf who could do that without hesitation. The next one to follow was Bofur's friend their Hobbit, who also slid down without hesitation. Well, that was unexpected. He would've thought the delicate halfling would've fallen behind and waited until the last minute to go. Then again, perhaps his fear of their enemies spurred him on. Thorin and Fili stayed behind to make sure everyone got through safely, killing any wargs that tried to attack them. He looked out and saw Kili still shooting at the wargs. He was both full of pride and fear for his nephew as he called out, "Kili!" But thankfully his nephew stopped immediately and came running towards them. So Fili went down into the cave, satisfied that Kili was following behind, and as soon as his nephews were both safely at the bottom Thorin went down himself. 

It was then that they heard a loud horn cut through the countryside, followed quickly by the sound of arrows being shot. All the dwarves looked up at the sound, hoping the new attackers were friend not foe. A few moments after a dead orc came rolling down towards them and they swiftly got out of the way of the carcass, Gandalf kicking it as soon as it had stopped and Balin tapped it on the chest with his sword. Thorin stepped up and yanked the arrow out of the orc, seeing its make he spat, "Elves." Before throwing the arrow aside and looking at Gandalf, who looked slightly guilty at being caught. Thorin wasn't really surprised, but he was upset at the lack of respect Gandalf had for his opinion. 

He was considering calling Gandalf out right there and then, but then Dwalin shouted, "I cannot see where the path leads! Do we follow it or no?" 

Calling the wizard out on his treachery would have to wait, apparently. "Follow it of course!" Bofur shouted out, running towards it with the rest of the company following in suit. 

Thorin shot Gandalf one last glare (for the moment) before he followed behind his company and he heard Gandalf say, "I think that would be wise..." 

"Let me guess," Thorin thought. "It will lead us directly to the kingdom of the elves where they'll put flowers in our hair before imprisoning us so that we cannot continue our quest." 

Thorin looked up as they made their way through the narrow tunnel and saw sunlight beating down on them through the opening at the top. It was a dubious pathway at best. When they finally reached the other end, Thorin's fears were proven right. 

"The valley of Imladris, in the common tongue it's known as..." Gandalf started. 

"Rivendell..." Master Baggins whispered, reverently. 

Alright, he didn't like the hobbit anymore. 

Gandalf started spouting out some romantic jargon about the damned place but Thorin wasn't listening. He marched up to Gandalf and hissed, "This was your plan all along! To seek refuge with our enemy!" He should have never trusted the wizard! How could he have been so foolish to do so? 

Gandalf looked down at him with derision, "You have no enemies here, Thorin Oakenshield. The only ill will to be found in this valley is that which you bring yourself!" 

The hobbit gave him a sassy look as Gandalf said it, which further cemented Thorin's decision that he no longer liked the hobbit. In fact, he could go be eaten the same as that traitorous, festering pustule of a wizard! 

He focused back on the wizard and hissed, "You think the elves will give our quest their blessing? They will try to stop us." It was a fact, not a possibility. Why couldn't the wizard see that? Or maybe he did see, and this was his plan all along. Never trust a wizard. 

He was surprised when Gandalf replied, "Of course they will! But we have questions that need to be answered." 

That stopped Thorin for a long moment. Well... when he put it like that... 

Thorin sighed and bowed his head in resignation. The wizard was... unfortunately... right. 

Gandalf looked down at him, "If we are to be successful this must be handled with tact, and respect, and no small degree of charm... Which is why you will leave the talking to me." 

Damned wizard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thorin is SO done with Gandalf and Bilbo.


	6. Welcome to Rivendell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own the Hobbit or any of its characters. I am not making any money off of this.

Thorin stayed close to Dwalin as they walked into the elven kingdom. It was beautiful, yes, but because he knew the sorts of lying, underhanded charlatans that resided in it the place only disgusted him more. Gandalf walked up to the elf that greeted them and they began to talk. Thorin leaned over to Dwalin, "We must watch ourselves here." 

Dwalin nodded, "Aye, these damned elves would stop at nothing to get their way." 

"I say we take whatever resources we can find and use their lavatory, then leave. With or without Gandalf." 

"Sounds like a plan to me. You just give me the signal and I'll gather up the company." 

Thorin smiled and squeezed Dwalin's shoulder, "I knew I could count on you." 

That's when they heard the horns announcing the arrival of the head elf. They all turned to see elves on horses in full battle dress arriving. He knew it! These foul creatures were going to try and kill them! He shouted out a battle cry and told everyone to close ranks. They followed his direction immediately, pointing their weapons towards the elves. The elves circled their company, literally and (obviously) theoretically looking down on them. The company growled at their enemy and stood their ground. When they had formed a double circle around the company the head elf smiled and greeted Gandalf. 

Thorin was not comforted by that. 

Thorin was certainly not comforted when they began speaking elvish to one another! 

The head elf finally began speaking the common tongue, telling Gandalf it was strange orcs had come so close and Gandalf said, "It might have been us!" 

Thorin walked to the front with Dwalin and Nori right beside him, and Thorin made the point of glaring at the head elf the entire time. 

The head elf looked him over as he walked towards him saying, "Welcome Thorin, son of Thrain." 

Damn elf, how did he know his name? "I do not believe we have met." Thorin growled to his enemy. 

The elf looked him over some more, "You have your grandfather's bearing." Oh, this just got better and better. "I knew Thror when he ruled under the mountain." 

"Indeed... He made no mention of you." How dare this elf act as if he had been friends with his Grandfather! The very idea! 

The elf sucked air through his teeth and then said something in a foreign tongue. What was the hellish beast saying? Was he offering them insult? That had to be it! What other reason could he have?!? 

Apparently Gloin had the same idea that he did, "What is he sayin'? Is he offering us insult?!?" 

The company as a whole started getting ready for a fight again before Gandalf stepped forward and said, "No, no! He's offering you food!" 

Well, that was a different story all together. 

He leaned over and said, "Do you think we can trust them not to poison us?" 

Dwalin nodded, "Aye, I don't think poisoning is their style." 

Thorin nodded, then straightened up again. 

Gloin stepped forward after talking to the company and said, "Ah... well... In that case, lead on." And so it was unanimous. 

They really should have expected what happened. Because of course elves didn't eat real food. No. There wasn't even any good bread. It was all... leaves, stems, flowers, and roots. He thought he saw a few nuts too. But, really? They'd been journeying a long time and could really use something filling. This was food for animals, not them. But, at least their wine was decent; and Thorin was happy to deprive them of as much of it as he could get. 

It didn't help his mood to hear their dreadful harp playing. He was half-tempted to push them away from the beautiful instruments and take over himself. There was a time where he'd charmed the entire court with his harp playing, and gotten more than a few admirers out of it. Which, to be honest, was more of a curse than a blessing. The last thing he'd needed was silly courtiers swooning all over him. 

After a time the head elf (Lord Elrond, apparently) and Gandalf joined them and urged them to show him their found weapons. "This is Orcrist, the goblin cleaver. A famous blade, forged by the high elves of the west." He handed the blade back to him, "My King, may it serve you well." 

Well... that was... remarkably good of him. He was... genuinely surprised... and perhaps a bit touched. He nodded to Lord Elrond in thanks, and if he was smart he would know it for the great compliment it was. 

He looked at Gandalf's new weapon, "This is Glamdring, the foe hammer. Sword of the King of Gondolin, made for the battle which would result in the Fall of Gondolin. It has been missing for over 6,000 years. It is remarkable that you have found it, Gandalf. Truly!" Lord Elrond seemed to be getting more excited by the moment, "How did you come by these?" 

"We found them in a troll's cave hoard... Gandalf answered, giving him the exact directions. 

Well, maybe it was good that the company had buried some of it. Because otherwise there certainly there wouldn't be any left when they got back there. Filthy, thieving elves. 

"Shortly before we were ambushed by orcs!" Gandalf said, seeming frustrated by that fact. If the old man wasn't equipped to handle danger, he shouldn't have come. 

"And what were you doing on the great east road?" Elrond said, obviously catching on. 

"Damn you Gandalf!" Thorin thought, "You just couldn't keep your big mouth shut!" 

He had to suffer through the rest of dinner before he got up and took a walk to clear his head. Thorin walked through the too clean hallways (especially for having all open windows in the wilderness) and tried to calm down. Why did Gandalf insist on being an unhelpful ass everywhere they turned? And insulting, unhelpful ass at that! Calling him a fool! He was a King after all! Or, he was about to be! Why couldn't he get any respect damn it! He didn't deserve this! 

"Uhm... Thorin?" He heard a weak voice behind him break his train of thought. 

He turned around and saw that traitorous hobbit behind him. 

Master Baggins smiled nervously at him, "I'm sorry to bother you, but you seem... upset." 

Well, that was putting it lightly. "Upset?" 

The halfling nodded, "Yes." He fiddled with the bottom of his jacket. "Look, I know you didn't want to come here. But I think Gandalf's right. We need their help if we're going to get to Erebor. They've given us food and shelter, they've even told us about the weapons we found... well... your weapons, at least." 

Thorin quirked an eyebrow, "What do you mean, our weapons?" 

Master Baggins slowly presented him with a tiny... sword... dagger... letter opener... thing? He took it and examined it, taking it from its sheath. It didn't look like much, to be honest, but it was well made and was a perfect size for the tiny hobbit. Thorin grunted, "It seems like a good weapon for you..." He handed it back, "Should you need it. Just make sure to cut the enemy and not yourself." 

Mister Baggins nodded shyly, "I'll try. I was wondering if... maybe... you could...?" 

"Spit it out, halfling." Thorin sighed. He might have been gentler if the halfling hadn't been reverent and defending of the elves. Honestly, what did the hobbit want from him? 

Master Baggins swallowed hard, "I was wondering if you could show me how to wield it." 

Thorin looked at him for a long moment. It would be a good idea for the hobbit to be able to defend himself in some small way. So, he stepped forward and took the blade out of its sheath and dropped the sheath before going behind the hobbit and positioning the blade in the hobbit's hand. He arranged the Hobbits hands correctly over the hilt of the blade and physically positioned the halfling's body into the correct stance. "Now, you need to start like this. Do you understand?" 

The hobbit swallowed, then nodded. 

Thorin grunted, "Good." He wrapped his arms around the hobbit's torso and put his hands over the hobbit's hands, "Now when you go to use it, move your body this way and swing the blade like this..." He moved with the hobbit in a basic move a few times, then asked, "Do you understand?" 

"Um... I think so." The hobbit answered weakly. 

"You think so, or you know so?" 

"I... I think so." 

Thorin sighed, then moved the hobbit's body with his a few times more and then asked in Master Baggins' ear, "How about now?" 

"Yes, I think I understand that move now." The hobbit answered breathily. 

Honestly, how was the hobbit out of breath already? They'd only just started! Surely, the hobbit would die if he didn't get in better shape. It was all the more incentive for Thorin to carefully demonstrate several more moves to the halfling. 

By the time they were done with the simple lesson the halfling seemed weak and shaken. Thorin sighed and said, "I think that's enough for now." He didn't want to kill their supposed burglar. 

If he hadn't known better, he could have sworn he heard the hobbit whine. "Really? That's all?" 

Thorin nodded, "For now, at least. Perhaps I'll have Dwalin instruct you further." 

"No!" The hobbit shrieked, causing Thorin to look at him in confusion. Master Baggins blushed and stuttered, "I mean... I would much rather be taught by you. After all, you've taught me so... thoroughly so far." 

Thorin rolled his eyes, could the hobbit be any weaker? "If I have time, then perhaps. But I am very busy, as you know." 

Master Baggins nodded quickly, "Yes, I know. Whenever you get the chance." 

Thorin grunted, and might have said more, but he saw Gandalf beckoning him. He looked at Master Baggins one more time and said, "I must go now, Master Baggins. I will see you soon." 

Master Baggins sighed and softly said, "Alright, I'll see you soon. Thorin."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bofurandori)


	7. Moon runes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own the Hobbit or any of its characters. I am not making any money off of this.

"Actually, Bilbo my boy. I think you should come with us, you might find it educational." Gandalf smiled at the Hobbit. 

Thorin frowned and looked at Balin, who was standing next to the wizard, and his friend merely shrugged. Gandalf led them to a moonlit chamber where Lord Elrond was waiting. Thorin froze as soon as he saw the elf and was immediately on guard, as was Balin. The only one who didn't seem to read the implication in this, of course, was the halfling who looked at them as if they'd gone mad. 

Gandalf nodded toward the elf and said, "Show him the map, Thorin. He has agreed to read it for you." 

"Our business is no concern of elves..." Thorin said coldly, looking between the wizard and the elf. 

"For goodness sake Thorin, show him the map!" Gandalf demanded. 

"It is the legacy of my people, it is mine to protect!" Thorin said sternly, then growled lowly, "As are it's secrets." How did the wizard not understand this? He saw the halfling looking between them, blessedly looking torn between what each was saying. Balin paced behind Thorin and he could feel his friend and advisor keeping his temper in check. 

"Save me from the stubbornness of dwarves!" Gandalf said in frustrated disbelief. "Your pride will be your downfall." Thorin lifted his head and straightened his back, physically showing the strength of his position in his posture. Balin came to stand beside him and mirrored his posture in a silent agreement with Thorin. Having Balin with him at that moment was a great comfort and reassurance to him. 

"You stand here in the presence of one of the few in Middle Earth who can read that map!" Gandalf snapped. "Show it to Lord Elrond!" 

He saw Master Baggins look at him from the corner of his eye and for some reason that and the look in Gandalf's eyes made him soften. Perhaps Gandalf was right... perhaps, just this once, he would have to concede to an elf. But only once. He reached for the map slowly, drawing it out of his pocket. Balin grabbed his arm and he pulled it out and started toward the elf, "Thorin, no!" 

He walked up to Lord Elrond and handed him the map. Perhaps he would be as respectful and generous in this as he had been with their weapons. He watched as the elf lord slowly opened up the map (carefully, delicately, like the treasure it was) and waited on baited breath for what would come next. He looked between the elf and the map for any kind of reaction. 

Lord Elrond finally looked up from the map and looked into Thorin's eyes, "Erebor... What is your interest in this map?" 

Thorin slowly weighted the options on what he could or should say, finally opting to open his mouth and hope something reticent but effective would come out. 

Thankfully Gandalf stepped in and said, "It's mainly academic. As you know artifacts like this can sometimes contain... hidden text." 

Gandalf gave him a friendly, conspiratorial look and Thorin gave a sigh of relief. Alright, he supposed he could forgive the wizard for what he was putting them through if he looked after their secrets so carefully. Gandalf then turned and asked the elf, "You still read ancient dwarvish, do you not?" 

The elf said a few words in ancient elvish and Gandalf quietly said, "Moon runes... of course it is". Master Baggins looked at the wizard curiously and he turned to him, "Moon runes can only be read by the light of the moon." 

"Or in this case the map can only be read by a moon the same size and shape as the one in which they were written." Lord Elrond turned to them. 

Well... that was potentially awful news. "Can you read them?" Thorin asked hopefully. 

Lord Elrond started leading them to a different part of Rivendell, in which time Balin whispered disapproving remarks to him in Khuzdul about how foolish he was being. He noticed that Master Baggins was still looking around at the place in wonder, however every once in a while he would catch the hobbit sneaking shy glances at him. Thorin wondered what that was about. 

They finally stopped at a beautiful cave opening with a waterfall behind it, as they walked out onto the stone platform Lord Elrond said, "These runes were written on a midsummer's eve by the light of a crescent moon over 200 years ago." He carefully laid out the map on a table made of a large piece of clear quartz. "It would seem you were meant to come to Rivendell." Lord Elrond smiled at him, "Fate is with you, Thorin Oakenshield. The same moon shines upon us tonight." 

As the light of the moon burst through the clouds and the streaming water the table began to glow with a beautiful white light and as they watched blue runes began to glow on the map. Thorin stared at the map as the hidden writing appeared, fate truly was with him. This had to be a sign that he was doing the right thing, and it brought some comfort to his anxious heart. 

The elf began to read, "Stand by the grey stone when the thrush knocks and the setting sun with the last light of Durin's day will shine upon the keyhole." 

"Durin's day?" The hobbit asked. 

"It is the start of the Dwarven new year... when the last moon of autumn and the first sun of winter appear in the sky together." Gandalf answered as Thorin turned away and pondered this new information. Durin's day, a very exact moment during Durin's day, this was not good. How were they supposed to make it back to Erebor before Durin's day? Who knew if they'd have another chance in his lifetime if they didn't? 

"This is ill news." Thorin said, turning back to the others. "Summer is passing, Durin's day will soon be upon us!" 

"We still have time," Balin said soothingly. 

"Time for what?" Master Baggins asked, clearly confused. 

Balin turned back to him, "To find the entrance." He looked back at Thorin, "We'll have to be standing in exactly the right spot at exactly the right time. Then, and only then, can the door be opened." 

"My, Balin, how astute you are. I couldn't possibly have gleaned that information from hearing exactly the same message you did..." Thorin thought grouchily. 

"So, this is your purpose..." Lord Elrond started, looking down at Thorin. Damn it! He'd forgotten about the elf still being around! How were they supposed to get out of this now? "To enter the mountain." The elf neither looked or sounded pleased, but he also didn't seem terribly surprised. Damn elves, he should've known better. 

Thorin looked up at him and hissed, "What of it?" 

Lord Elrond handed him the map as he said quietly, "There are some that would not deem it wise." 

Thorin snatched the map from the elf's grip as Gandalf asked, "What do you mean?" 

Lord Elrond turned to Gandalf angrily and said, "You are not the only guardian to watch over Middle Earth." 

Alright, this was all sorts of not good. What in Mahal's name were they talking about? 

Gandalf turned to them with a horrified glance. 

Oh no, definitely not good. Not good at all. If a wizard is horrified Thorin shuddered to think about what was to come. 

Thorin, Balin, and the halfling made their way down to join the others. It was a familiar, comforting sight to come upon them laughing merrily and cooking more food. Apparently, Bofur had made a joke of throwing a sausage to Bombur (who'd been sitting on a table) and the extra weight had collapsed the entire thing and the company was still laughing about it while Bombur seemed torn between laughing and anger. 

Master Baggins sat down next to Bofur and Thorin signaled to Dwalin to follow him. They moved away from the company and Thorin shared with his shield brother what had happened. Dwalin seemed to share Thorin's worries and asked, "So, what are we going to do about it?" 

"I don't know. For now, let's play things by ear. The company needs their rest and as long as there is no immediate danger I see no reason to deny it to them." Thorin answered softly. 

Dwalin nodded, "Aye... if you're sure." 

Thorin shook his head, "I'm not sure of anything, at this point. It seems every time this quest seems like it is about to become easier it gets exponentially harder." 

Dwalin gripped his shoulder comfortingly, "It will work out, Thorin. I don't know how, but it will. You've never let us down yet, and I don't expect this time to be any different." 

Thorin smiled at his friend, "You're a fool." 

Dwalin laughed, "Yes, I already knew that." 

Thorin joined in his laughter, and for a brief moment he could almost believe him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bofurandori)


	8. Stone Giants are unacceptable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own the Hobbit or any of its characters. I am not making any money off of this.

Something wasn't right, and Thorin wasn't about to wait around to see what it was. He roused the company and they packed their things as quickly as possible before sneaking out of Rivendell. To do so required them to follow a narrow rock path that was treacherous at best, but that was hardly a surprise at this point. As he was giving out orders and seeing that everyone got up the path safely, he noticed that Bilbo was looking back at Rivendell with longing. 

Of course he was. 

He genuinely resented that the Hobbit was so in awe of the elves. They were treacherous creatures and weren't to be trusted, and yet Bilbo acted as if they were marvelous creatures to be admired. 

Foolish creature. He never should have allowed him on their quest. But it was too late now. "Master Baggins..." He saw the halfling look back at him, sadness and longing in his eyes, and for a moment Thorin took pity on his weak soul and said softly. "I suggest you keep up." The wilderness was going to be hard enough on him, and it wasn't really his fault that he didn't understand how awful elves were; so there was no reason to be harsh at the moment. 

Thorin fell back in with the company and they continued their long trek to their homeland. 

Before long it began to rain, and the path became almost impossible to travel on. However, they had no choice but to go on at this point. So, Thorin put on a brave face and told everyone to keep going. 

He noticed that Bilbo slipped off the cliff, and for a moment his heart stopped. The thought that the hobbit would fall to his death and be erased from the world shot a blade of terror through his being like he'd never known. He thanked Mahal when Dwalin and Bofur caught Bilbo... Master Baggins, and pulled him back up. 

That was it! They had to find shelter immediately. He didn't know where or how, but he couldn't risk his company falling off these cliffs. Absolutely not. He screamed out, "We must find shelter!" 

But before he could even turn back around he heard Dwalin shout, "Mortar!" Everyone looked up to see a large piece of the mountain flying towards the rock above them. It was all they could do to press up against the rock beside them as closely as possible and hope that they didn't get hit. He chanced a look behind at his company, praying that none of them got injured or worse. The avalanche of rock flowed above and beside them like a deranged waterfall, and not for the first time he deeply regretted ever leaving the Blue Mountains. 

And of course, everything got worse. Balin shouted, "This is no thunderstorm! It's a thunder battle! Look!" He pointed to... the mountain was moving! The damn thing was moving! Why was it moving? Mountains weren't supposed to move! That was a mountain's entire thing! Not moving, not ever! 

The damn thing then proceeded to rip out yet another chunk of mountain out, presumably to throw towards them once again. This was great, just great. They couldn't just be on a treacherous path while it was raining. Oh no. That would be too simple. Let's just throw in a supposedly legendary creature like a... 

"Well, bless me. The legends are true! Giants! Stone giants!" Bofur yelled out, getting foolishly close to the edge of the path. 

Yes, Bofur, thank you for pointing that out. Nobody else could have figured that out from looking AT THE GIANT HUMANOID FIGURE MADE OUT OF STONE! So let's just YELL so that the damn thing notices the company! Best idea ever, Bofur! Someone give him a medal! 

Oh look! NOW IT WAS THROWING THAT ROCK! Perfect, just perfect. And oh, what was that? THERE WAS ANOTHER STONE GIANT BEHIND THEM! NOT ONE BUT TWO! Wonderful day, just smashing! Literally, apparently. Here lays the stain of the valiant company of Thorin Oakenshield, who set out to return Erebor to their people BUT INSTEAD GOT SMASHED BY GIANTS! Legendary, others would sing songs about them. Not nice songs, but there would definitely be songs. 

The rock hit the other stone giant square in the chest, and Bofur was STILL standing by the edge! What was WRONG with him?!? "Take cover you fool!" Thorin shouted out, trying not to think about the fact that he sounded like Gandalf. Nori and Dori pulled Bofur from the edge towards the side of the mountain. He screamed (more like screeched, actually) "Hold on!" and everyone pressed themselves against the side once again. But it swiftly began to be ineffective as the rocks began cutting chunks of the path away from beneath their feet. 

Oh, and now the pathway was SPLITTING! FILI AND KILI WERE ON EITHER SIDE OF IT! 

Fili and Kili reached out towards one another, but he suspected it wouldn't be that easy. Of course it wasn't, because look... YET ANOTHER GIANT! HIS NEPHEW WAS ON A GIANT! Bofur and Dwalin too! If they died, he was going to break those damn giants apart with his bare hands. He didn't know how, but he'd find a way, damn it! 

And, of course, the new giant and one of the other giants immediately began fighting and the giant with his beloved nephew, best friend, and... his likable company member with the amusing hat, got his head butted! He'd say that this situation couldn't get worse, but he was sure it could. 

Oh, of course he was on the other knee! Of course! He saw that their knee was headed for a (hopefully) non-giant cliff and without prompting they all jumped off. But oh no! The giant that still had his company on it got its head broken off! This was... he didn't have words for how bad this was! It was astoundingly bad! 

They made a reach for the people on the other side as they passed by, but they weren't close enough. Thorin screamed in anger and frustration. This wasn't supposed to happen! At the very least fate could have let them get to the mountain and incinerated! It couldn't even give them that? Did they really all need to die because some giants spontaneously decided to fight? 

But then the giant was falling against the mountain and looking like it would crush everyone not currently with him, including Bilbo! Thorin let out a stream of curses. This couldn't happen. This just couldn't happen! "No! NO!" Thorin screamed out towards his fallen company, feeling a part of his soul being crushed with them. They watched as the giant fell down the chasm, and he knew that so many vital things were dying with it. His company didn't deserve this, why had he brought them out here to this treacherous place? He didn't deserve to be King. He didn't even deserve to be a dwarf. He was scum, absolute scum. He ran up the path screaming out, "No! Fili!" Fili just couldn't be dead. He just couldn't. His wonderful ray of sunshine couldn't be extinguished from the world. His company members couldn't be extinguished from the world. They were too good and true to die! Not like this! Oh, Mahal, please not like this! 

But when they got further up he saw that they were alive. They were alive! Hurt and incredibly shaken, but alive! He felt a wave of relief so strong that he felt he might collapse from it. They were alright. 

They were alright. 

They were alright and there was some small form of justice in the world. 

He smiled and began to make his way up to them when Bofur jumped up and shouted, "Where's Bilbo? Where's the hobbit?!?" 

Shit. 

"There!" Bofur said, and they turned and saw the halfling dangling off of the cliff by his fingertips. Oh no. No, absolutely not! 

"Get him!" Thorin shouted, in panic mode once again. No, no! Bilbo was NOT allowed to die! That little shit was going to live! He didn't get to die! The company jumped forward to reach for him and try and pull him up. But he'd fallen too far, and nobody could reach him. 

Thorin quickly found himself jumping off of the cliff and hanging on by one hand. He grabbed the hobbit and pulled him up towards the others, who swiftly took hold of him. He almost fell himself, but thankfully Dwalin was able to grab him and pull him up. Bless his wonderful, bald head. 

"I thought we'd lost our burglar." Dwalin said, sighing in relief. 

Thorin turned and looked at Bilbo then. Bilbo was looking up at him with a mixture of awe, fear, and a crippling amount of hope. Hope for what, he couldn't say. He took a long look at the hobbit, and a tidal wave of emotion hit Thorin all at once. The Hobbit had almost died. The sweet, kind, intelligent, witty little hobbit had almost fallen off of the cliff and died. They had all almost died, but somehow if Bilbo had died it might have been even more tragic. He couldn't say why. Perhaps because this wasn't his quest, they were not his people, and at the end of the day... he didn't even belong on this quest. He'd tried to believe that he did, but he didn't. He didn't, and this was Thorin's wake up call. He had absolutely no right to keep dragging Master Baggins along on this quest and risking his life without cause. 

He decided to do the right thing by the hobbit. He softly and hesitantly said, "He's been lost... ever since he left home... He should never have come." And, for the final nail in the coffin. "He has no place amongst us." There. Maybe that would finally be enough to send the hobbit back home. Back to his warm home and safety. Let them worry about reclaiming the mountain, this wasn't his fight. 

He moved further up the path and noticed a hole in the side of the mountain, and called to Dwalin. Maybe they would at least find shelter and rest for the night. He could only hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bofurandori)


	9. What is that?!? Seriously!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to apologize for not getting this out sooner. I actually had a nearly complete update made a few days ago, but I was stupid and didn't do it in my word processor like usual. I wound up pushing a button and *poof* it was gone. Being the bitter and petty person that I am I wound up pouting about it up until now. So, again, very sorry. I hope the episode makes up for it. 
> 
> I do not own the hobbit or any of its characters. I am not making any money off of this.

"Looks safe enough..." Dwalin said, coming up behind Thorin. 

 

Thorin looked around, adrenalin was still coursing through his body after their near death experience and he was desperately trying to not feel guilty about the way he'd treated Bilbo... Master Baggins. This cave wasn't helping, either. Dwalin was right, it looked safe enough... which was why it was suspicious. Mountain caves were usually havens for all manner of creatures, so why was it empty? Not only empty, but clean? The walls were barely even moist, for Mahal's sake! It all just seemed too good to be true. 

 

Thorin frowned, "Check in the back. Mountain caves are seldom unoccupied..." 

 

Dwalin took a lantern and checked in back before saying, "There's nothing here." 

 

Thorin still didn't feel right about this, but his people were exhausted and deserved a good night's rest if possible. He didn't like it, but it would have to do. 

 

Everyone slowly filtered into the cave and Gloin dropped some wood onto the floor, "Let's get a fire started!" 

 

Was he _insane_? "No! No fires! Not in here." He said sternly as he walked past, still observing the cave. "Get some sleep, we start at first light!" 

 

"We were to wait in the mountains until Gandalf joined us. That was the plan!" Balin naggingly reminded him. 

 

Thorin looked at him sideways, and wondered many things about Balin in that moment. Did he _not_ remember that they'd just been attacked by stone giants? Did he _not_ realize how suspicious their temporary shelter was? Did he really _want_  them all to freeze up here until Gandalf decided that he finally felt like joining them? Did he _not_ remember how unreliable the wizard was? Certainly, Gandalf had been an invaluable member of their company so far... but only when he _showed up_. He was not going to put them in danger any longer than was absolutely necessary. But, Thorin held his peace, and simply said, "Plans change." He heard Bofur speaking animatedly about what had just happened. Thorin decided that Bofur had really earned the best nights sleep he could offer, and the best way to get that was with the first watch. "Bofur, take first watch." 

 

Bofur apparently didn't realize that Thorin was doing him a favor, as his face immediately fell and he said, "Aye."

 

Really? Why did everyone act like he was the bad guy? That his intentions were bad? That he didn't care about how they felt or what they needed? He realized that Bofur was tired, but everyone was tired. They needed to have a watch, and he certainly wasn't picking on anyone by assigning those watches. In fact, he was trying very hard to be kind. He was always trying to be as kind as he could allow himself to be. He was well aware that being the leader meant that you had to be the bad guy sometimes, that you had to make those that were under your leadership do things that they didn't want to do.  

 

But he was still just a dwarf. He had wants, needs, and feelings just like the rest of them. His motivations for what he did weren't based on his whims. He just... he just wanted them to be alright. That's all. He wanted his family, his company, his people to be alright. Nothing more. Nothing less. Why could no one see that? Why did they not _want_  to see that? 

 

Thorin even (and especially) wanted Master Baggins to be alright. The hobbit had tried his best to help them, Thorin understood that. But seeing the halfling almost die had... done something to him. It had made something inside him... crack. Just a little. He knew the only just and proper thing to do was what he had done. That didn't mean he liked it, that he didn't wish that things could be different. But they couldn't and that was the end of it. 

 

Thorin laid his bedroll near the opening of the cave, knowing he was still too anxious to get a good rest but knowing he needed to try. He was able to fall into a light doze eventually but was woken up by the voices of Bofur and Master Baggins. "You can't go back now! You're part of the company! You're one of us!" Bofur insisted. 

 

He heard Master Baggins sigh, "I'm not though, am I? Thorin said that I should never have come, and he was right." Well... yes... he was. But... he didn't have to sound so disheartened about it. "I'm not a Took, I'm a Baggins. I don't know what I was thinking."  

 

Thorin slowly opened up his eyes, feeling a wave of sadness over take him. But this was for the best... yes... this was for the best. 

 

Master Baggins tapped his walking stick on the cave floor, "Should never have run out my door..." 

 

"You're homesick! I understand." Bofur said, sounding like an ocean of kindness and compassion. It hurt Thorin's heart to hear it, there was so much warmth in his voice. In that moment, he decided that he should get to know Bofur better. Bofur seemed like the sort of person that would be infinitely good to keep around.  

 

"No! You _don't_  understand! None of you do! You're _dwarves_! You're used to... to _this_  life. Being on the road, never settling in one place, not belonging anywhere!" Master Baggins responded in frustration. 

 

Ouch. Seems like Thorin wasn't the only one who occasionally had trouble with thinking before speaking. Really, Master Baggins, Bofur didn't deserve to be spoken of that way. Especially since it's because of him that the halfling wasn't a stain on the bottom of the mountain.  

 

The pain that such a statement caused must have shown on Bofur's face, because Master Baggins immediately began to backtrack. "Look, I’m sorry... I didn't..." The halfling cleared his throat.  

 

Yeah, Master Baggins. Noticed how much of a horse's ass you just sounded like, did you? 

 

"No, you're right..." Bofur said softly, sadly. "We don't belong anywhere." The deep sadness in the normally cheerful dwarf's voice sent an icy blade through Thorin's heart. It steeled his resolve that what he was doing, every bit of it, was right. He had to do this, for Bofur, for all of them. Flashes of Erebor, of what it had been like when they'd had a home, flashed in his mind. Would they ever be able to have that again? Truly? 

 

"I wish you all the luck in the world," Bofur finally said, softly. A moment passed and when Bofur spoke again it was with a touch of his normal cheerfulness, "I really do." 

 

But then he said, "What's that?"  

 

Thorin looked down at a mechanical sound that began below them, and saw cracks begin to form in the cave floor. Oh... this couldn't be anything good. Not at all. He screamed out, "Wake up! WAKE UP!"  

 

But it was too late.  

 

The floor opened up beneath them and suddenly they were falling through a tunnel and down onto a wooden plank. Before they could even catch their breath they were set upon by a gigantic group of goblins. They clawed and grabbed at them, herding them through their numbers and into a series of wooden bridges within the mountain. They fought against their captors, but to no avail. They'd been caught unawares and were paying for it.  

 

Eventually, they were led to a gigantic hall where there were so many goblins jumping and chanting in bloodthirsty glee that... Thorin may or may not have peed a little upon seeing them.  

 

But that was _nothing_  in comparison to the absolutely gigantic... What _was_  that? Seriously! What was that? Was that supposed to be a goblin? Goblins weren't supposed to be that size! It didn't even really look like a goblin. It looked like a goblin had had sex with something that was a hybrid of the ugliest toad ever to live and a wad of snot from someone dying of a horrible disease.  

 

Of course. Of course this would happen. It wasn't enough that they'd almost been killed by stone giants, but now they were at the (completely figurative) mercy of a hoard of goblins and a bogey monster. Of course. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bofurandori)


	10. So many goblins, and so much nope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My cats Bofur and Ori send their regards; And would like you to know that they disapprove of my spending so much time looking at the shiny thing and not cuddling them. But when I explained to them that you sorely deserved a proper update after my absence, they allowed it with only mild complaining.
> 
> I do not own the hobbit or any of its characters. I am not making any money off of this.

The thing stepped off of its throne and onto a pile of its people (who all shrieked in pain as their bones loudly cracked) before coming towards them. "Who would be so bold as to come _armed_  into _my_  kingdom?" The... Thorin supposed it must be the Goblin Lord, squawked as he jiggled. "Spies? Thieves? _Assasins_?!?"  

 

"Dwarves, your malevolence!" One of the goblins said.  

 

"Dwarves?!?" The literally gigantic tub of mole covered goo shrieked.  

 

"We found them on the front porch!" Another goblin said. 

 

"Well, don't just stand there! Search them!" The goblins jumped to obey their lord's command. "Every crack!" The festering pile of pond scum sneered, "Every _crevice_!" 

 

*shudder* 

 

The goblins proceeded to take everything they had on their person and crush it. Thorin inched closer to his nephews, never letting his eyes waver from the disgusting creature in front of them. "What are you doing in these parts?" The loathsome creature finally hissed. "Speak!" 

 

All the members of his company stood strong, staring down the enemy. 

 

He was so very proud of them. 

 

"Very well... if they will not _talk_. We'll make them..." It looked up at its people, "We'll make them _squawk_ _!"_  

 

The goblins began to scream and jump in pure delight at the prospect of torturing them. 

 

"Bring up the mangler! Bring up the _bone breaker_!" The goblins became increasingly excited. "Start with the youngest!" The goblin lord pointed at sweet, darling Ori. 

 

No. No, absolutely not! This would _not_  stand!  

 

" ** _Wait_**!" Thorin shouted at the top of his lungs, before beginning to step forward.  

 

When the pile of filth saw him, its eyes began to bulge in glee as it grinned. "Well, well, well! Look who it is!" Thorin made it to the front of the group, still glaring with all his might at the vile, pestilence covered piece of troll fecal matter. "Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, son of Thror! King under the mountain!" It said, before bowing sarcastically. "Oh! But I'm forgetting! You don't _have_  a mountain! So... you're not a king. Which makes you... Nobody, really." 

 

If it was the last thing he did, Thorin would cut that monstrosity's throat. 

 

The thing could obviously tell that his words had struck a cord. It backed up, smiling, before saying lowly, "I know someone... who'd pay a pretty price for your head. Just a head, nothing attached." The goblins began to chuckle. The thing sat back down in its throne and said, "Perhaps you know of whom I speak? An old enemy of yours. A pale orc... astride a white warg!"  

 

Thorin looked up at it, both seething and feeling a touch of fear creep up his spine. "Azog, the defiler...Was destroyed!" It couldn't be, it just couldn't be! He couldn't have failed in slaying the creature that killed his family! This wasn't possible, and he would not accept this thing trying to make him believe otherwise! "He was slain in battle, long ago!" 

 

The thing leaned forward and said, "So... you think his defiling days are done, do you?" Then it let out an amused chuckle, which its people joined in on. It went over to a goblin perched on a wooden swing and said, "Send word to the pale orc. Tell him that I have found his prize." It immediately began to slide away on the swing, laughing maniacally.  

 

The goblin lord began to sing a vile song about all the horrid things they were about to do to them as the torture devices began to show up. But then, one of the goblins pulled out Thorin's sword and everything changed. The goblin threw down the sword and the goblin lord jumped up onto a pile of its people and pointed at the sword, "I know that sword! It is the goblin cleaver! The biter! The blade that sliced a thousand necks!" The goblins began to attack them in full force. "Slash them! Beat them! _Kill them! Kill them all!_ " Thorin was thrown to the ground by several goblins and the gobin lord said in his direction, "Cut off his head!" A goblin raised a dagger up and was clearly about to end Thorin's life. Thorin couldn't move, could only stare at his oncoming demise and pray to Mahal for a miracle.  

 

Just then, a bright flash of light and a pushing force erupted through the area, throwing off the goblins and blowing out the torches. In the darkness Thorin could see Gandalf, sword and staff at the ready, step forward. "Take up arms..." Gandalf said slowly. "Fight! **_Fight_**!!!"  

 

Somehow, the wizard's battle cry revived them, and they began to fight against their captors with vigorous enthusiasm.  

 

"He wields the foe hammer!" The goblin lord shrieked. "The beater! Bright as daylight!" 

 

Everyone was able to get a hold of their weapons, and no sooner had Thorin retrieved his sword than the goblin lord stepped forward and tried to crush Thorin with its club. But Thorin raised his sword and was able to push the goblin lord back, into its people, before it fell off the side of the platform they were on. Not quite the death Thorin had meant to grant it, but it would do. 

 

Eventually Gandalf looked at them and said, "Follow me! **_Run_**!" 

 

They didn't need to be told twice, and ran after the taller man as fast as they could. They all shouted encouragement as they navigated the labyrinth of wooden bridges toward freedom. The goblins eventually managed to get in front of them and the company was forced to fight their way past them. Dwalin had the absolutely brilliant idea of cutting off one of the railings and using it as a makeshift battering ram. He began pushing the goblins in front of him off of the bridge with the help of the dwarves immediately behind him. Before long everyone was slashing and smashing the goblins off the bridge while still attempting to run after Gandalf. Thorin noticed that some of the goblins were going to try and rappel down to them, so he shouted, "Cut the ropes!" As the company did the bridge above them fell (along with the goblins on it) toward the other side of the cave and the goblins attempting to swing toward them became wound around it.  

 

That's when the goblin archers showed up, and Kili had begun to deflect the arrows with his sword. Then he grabbed a nearby ladder and used it as a shield, before laying it over the heads of the goblins and with the dwarves behind him he gathered up a sizable group of the snarling goblins and pushed them off the bridge. Afterwards, they put the ladder over the opening between the two and they used it as a bridge. 

 

That's his boy! Just wait until his mother heard about this! 

 

Actually, on second thought, Dis was never _ever_  to hear about _any_  of this. Not _ever_. As far as she was concerned this was the safest, most mild quest ever and her sons had never so much as gotten a hair ouf of place.  

 

Thorin liked his testicals right where they were _thank you very much_! 

 

They found themselves at a dead end, and with the number of goblins right behind them that could be literal. But Kili cut the rope holding the platform in place and it swung to the other side where there was an empty platform.  

 

"Jump!" Thorin screamed, and the closest members of the company jumped onto the platform. But then it swung back around and some of the goblins jumped on with them. They fought them off until it swung back around and just as the last of them were getting off Kili cut the last rope and Thorin turned so he could catch Fili as he jumped into his arms. He patted Fili and quickly checked him over to make sure he was unharmed, before they began to run again.  

 

Gandalf blasted a rock that was hanging down, it turned into a circular rock and Thorin yelled, "Push!" He and Dwalin pushed it in front of the company until it could move on its own, smiting the goblins in front of them until it fell off the side of the cliff. They were nearly free when the goblin lord burst through the bridge they were on, club in hand and looking at them smugly.  

 

"You thought you could escape _me_?" The goblin lord growled, before swinging its club down toward Gandalf (who quickly jumped back). "What are you going to do now, wizard _?"_ Thorin was mildly offended for Gandalf's sake. _He_  was the only one allowed to talk to Gandalf like that! 

 

Gandalf poked the goblin lord in the eye and as it jumped back in pain he slit the goblin's stomach horizontally. It fell to its knees and nodded, before saying, "That'll do it..." Gandalf slit its throat without hesitation (as long as it got its throat slit, Thorin was happy) and it fell to the floor, shaking the bridge until it began to crack. The piece of bridge broke off and began to fall into the canyon below. Everyone was holding on to anything they could and screaming as they fell lower and lower. Finally they reached the bottom and were surprisingly not dead.  

 

As they caught their breath, Bofur said, "Well... that could've been worse." 

 

Yes, it could have. But saying that was _never_  a good idea. And, sure enough, the dead goblin lord promptly fell on top of them.  

 

Dwalin grunted out, "You've _got_  to be _joking_!" 

 

They slowly began to pull themselves out from underneath the wood and corpse when Kili looked up, eyes wide, and screamed in terror, "Gandalf!" 

 

Thorin looked up and, sure enough, the entire population of goblins was coming straight for them down the cliff.  

 

Dwalin looked at Gandalf, "There's too many, we can't fight them!" 

 

"Only one thing will save us! Daylight! Come on!" Gandalf said, he turned and pulled Oin out of the wreckage, "Here, on your feet!"  

 

Finally everyone was free and they, once again, began to run. They made haste through the tunnel and out into daylight once again. They ran down the grassy side of the mountain as quickly as they could, trying to put as much distance between themselves and the goblins as possible.  

 

Eventually, Gandalf began counting how many of them were there. Finally, he seemed momentarily relieved at counting 13. But then asked, "Where's Bilbo? Where is our hobbit?" 

 

Thorin's face fell, and an icy grip began to crush his heart.  

 

Bilbo... 

 

No... 

 

NO! 

 

No! No! Not Bilbo! He couldn't have... they couldn't have... No! No, he couldn't be dead! _He couldn't be dead_! After everything, no! This couldn't be happening! 

 

Gandalf shouted out again, "Where is our hobbit!" Everyone began to look around, but terror had already took hold of Thorin.  

 

Bilbo wasn't here. He just knew that Bilbo wasn't here. 

 

"Cure the halfling! Now he's _lost_?" Dwalin hissed. 

 

"I thought he was with Dori!" One of the company said. 

 

"Don't blame _me_!" Dori shouted.  

 

"Well, where did you last see him?" Gandalf asked anxiously. 

 

"I saw him slip away when they first collared us." Nori said. Slipped away... which could also mean he'd been crushed, fallen, was currently being torn asunder by a goblin. 

 

"What happened exactly? Tell me!" Gandalf shouted. 

 

This was too much. This was just... too much. As much as it hurt him, he would have to say something to ease the burden. It was clear that Bilbo wasn't going to be coming back, and since Bilbo had wanted to leave earlier... an acceptable alternative to him being... being... was... "I'll tell you what happened! Master Baggins saw his chance and he took it! He's thought of nothing but his warm hearth and his soft bed since the moment he walked through his door!" He hoped his voice wasn't breaking too much. He softly said, with deep remorse that he couldn't quite keep out of his voice, "We will not be seeing our hobbit again..." He looked up and said with finality, "He is _long gone_." 

 

The company looked sad and confused at his words, but not nearly as sad as the realization that the hobbit was dead would have caused.  

 

But then he heard behind him, "No... he isn't." 

 

Thorin whipped around and saw Bilbo, a bit battered and now without vest buttons but overall no worse for the wear. And _certainly_  not dead. Thorin wasn't sure he'd ever been so relieved to see anyone in his entire life.  

 

Gandalf came forward, clearly relieved, "Bilbo Baggins, I've never been so glad to see anyone in all my life!" 

 

"Bilbo! We'd given you up!" Kili said happily. 

 

"How on earth did you get past the goblins?" Fili asked. That's what Thorin would like to know! 

 

"How indeed..." Dwalin said, suspiciously. 

 

Bilbo gave a small laugh and put his hands in his pockets, clearly deciding what he was going to say.  

 

"Oh, what does it matter? He's back!" Gandalf said, cheerfully.  

 

Thorin looked between the two, hardly believing his eyes. His heart was pounding violently in his chest and he found himself staring at Bilbo Baggins. "It matters..." Thorin said, softly. Why did he come back? "I want to know!" Thorin said, in a firmer voice. Then his eyes linked with Bilbo's and he was momentarily lost, asking breathlessly, "Why did you come back?" 

 

For a moment, they just looked into each others eyes and many things crossed behind Bilbo's kind, intelligent eyes. Finally, Bilbo responded, "Look I know... I know you doubt me. I know you always have. And you're right, I often think of Bag End..." He said with a shrug. "I miss my books..." Bilbo said, dancing slightly and biting his lip adorably. "And my armchair... my garden..." His eyes firmly connected with Thorin's, "You see, that's where I belong. That's home. And that's why I came back... 'cause…" He paused for a moment, looking briefly at the other members of the company before looking back into Thorin's eyes, "You don't have one." He smiled a gentle, tender smile. "A home..." He said softly, no less earnest from its shyness. "It was taken from you." Bilbo looked deep into Thorin's eyes, and he knew that whatever he was about to say it was said with absolute sincerity. "But I will help you take it back if I can." 

 

Had Bilbo always been this way? As the fading sun turned his honey colored hair into molten gold, and his soulful blue grey eyes shined at him, Thorin was certain that he'd never _truly_  looked at Bilbo before. He couldn't have. Because he was sure that he would have noticed that he was in the presence of the most beautiful creature, inside and out, in Middle Earth before now. How could he not have seen it? 

 

Thorin felt truly humbled by Bilbo's words and presence. He honestly wasn't sure that he was up to the challenge of telling Bilbo the reaction his words created in him. Even if he wasn't really a burglar, Thorin was beyond honored to have him in his company.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bofurandori)


	11. Trees and Birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now for the moment you've all been waiting for!
> 
> Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.   
> \- Theodore Roosevelt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own the hobbit or any of its characters. I am not making any money off of this.

It was then that they saw a pack of orcs and wargs running down the mountain towards them. Damn it! "Out of the frying pan..." Thorin growled. 

 

"And into the fire!" Gandalf finished, looking at him. "Run, RUN!" He yelled at the company. 

 

Mahal, he was tired of running! 

 

They ran and fought, he noticed that Bilbo was horrified at having stuck his small sword into the forehead of a warg. Poor, darling Bilbo. But Thorin was exceedingly glad he had the weapon to protect himself with. Eventually, they ran out of mountain. Gandalf directed them all into the trees, and they hurried to comply.  

 

Thorin turned as everyone began to climb and saw that Bilbo was still trying to get his weapon out of the warg's skull. Panic swept through him and he screamed, "They're coming!" 

 

Everyone jumped into the trees except Bilbo, who after finally releasing his weapon turned around and saw how close the wargs were. Blessedly, he was able to jump up into the trees before they could arrive.  

 

Thorin looked over everyone to see if they were unscathed, as he held onto the tree for dear life. Dwarves were _not_  meant to be in trees!  

 

He heard the growling beneath them from the wargs, and hoped with all his might that they wouldn't be able to get them in the trees... or that the company would starve, dehydrate, fall asleep and fall out of the trees to their death, catch their death of cold... 

 

But then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw his most vile enemy. "Azog!" He said, hardly believing his eyes. It was true, the pale orc still lived! The orc that killed his father and grandfather was still alive! How was this possible? 

 

The orc sniffed the air and then said something in his hissing language to the rest of the orcs. Thorin's anger grew every instant that he looked at the vile creature. Even though he didn't understand what Azog was saying, he knew when he was being mocked; especially when he hissed out Thorin's name. Thorin shook his head, breathless with emotion, "It cannot be." 

 

Azog's eyes widened, then he pointed his weapon at Thorin and gave the orcs an order. It didn't take a genius to ascertain what the pale orc had said. He had just ordered his people to kill them all, but leave Thorin for Azog to kill. This was confirmed when the wargs ran forward and began attempting to claw their way up the trees towards them. The trees began to shake and everyone was having a hard time staying on and keeping away from the beasts' sharp claws and teeth. 

 

It wasn't until the wargs began to knock the trees down that Thorin knew that something had to be done, and quickly. But what? Eventually the entire company was dangling from the same tree, one that was right on the edge of the cliff.  

 

Gandalf finally came up with an idea, and set a pinecone on fire and threw it down at the creatures below. Then Gandalf started a chain of setting pine cones on fire and having the different members of the company throw down the fireballs at their attackers. Although it was effective in scattering the orcs and wargs, it was _setting everything on fire_! And they were in a very flammable tree! 

 

But finally the creatures seemed to be assessing whether or not they should abandon their task. That is, until the tree they were in finally tilted over. It shook poor Ori out of its branches, fortunately he was able to grab onto Dori... unfortunately Dori wound up having to hold onto a branch and hold up both himself and his baby brother. 

 

Dori cried out for Gandalf and just in time the wizard outstretched his staff and Dori took hold of it before the two of them could fall. Things couldn't go on this way. Thorin turned and saw the challenging look in Azog's eyes, and knew what he had to do. He stood up on the tree and stared down his enemy.  

 

It was him that the pale orc wanted, so he could have him. If he was going to fall, then he would fall while fighting. Thorin refused to hide!  

 

He took one of the hollowed branches and quickly slid it against his arm before standing up on the tree's trunk. He balanced himself, still staring down Azog, before slowly making his way towards the killer of his family. 

 

His slow walk turned into a run, as he thought of everything the orc had done and everything he would do if Thorin didn't stop him. But before he could do anything, the malicious bastard jumped up with his warg and had the beast knock him down (winding him). He got back up as quickly as he could and turned to face Azog, who was already wielding his weapon. Azog took that moment to run up to Thorin and bash him in the face with his club.  

 

Distantly, he heard Balin screaming after him. But it didn't matter. 

 

The pale orc then had his warg bite down on him, he could feel his bones begin to crack underneath its powerful jaw. It just kept biting down harder and harder and Thorin couldn't help his scream of pain.  

 

Finally he got a blow in and bashed the warg's head with his sword. The creature then threw him several feet away onto a nearby stone, and once again Thorin heard something crack. It was getting harder and harder to breathe, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to fight anymore. 

 

He heard Azog hiss something, and then heard heavy footsteps coming towards him. He turned his head and saw another orc coming towards him and raising his sword. Thorin desperately tried to reach his sword, but he could barely move.  

 

Then, out of nowhere, Bilbo tackled the orc that had been about to behead him. The two wrestled in the dirt for a moment and the hobbit somehow managed to turn the orc over and stab it with his sword.   

 

"Bilbo, no... don't... not... Bilbo..." Thorin thought before darkness finally took him. 

 

Suddenly, Thorin woke up. He didn't know how, but he wasn't dead and although he felt incredibly sore he didn't feel as if he'd been crushed anymore. Opening his eyes, he saw Gandalf waving a hand over his face. When the wizard saw Thorin looking at him, he seemed incredibly relieved. 

 

Then Thorin remembered what had been happening before he'd passed out, "The halfling?" Please let Bilbo be alright. Please, Mahal, just let Bilbo be alright! 

 

"It's alright." Gandalf said with a slight wink. "Bilbo is here, he's _quite_  safe!" 

 

The fear that had been clutching his heart released, and Thorin struggled to stand up. Dwalin and Kili helped him stand and when he was up Thorin shook them off and faced the hobbit. Bilbo smiled at him and seemed deeply grateful and happy that Thorin was alright; if Thorin didn't know better, he'd even venture so far as to say that the look was affectionate. It made something within him snap. "You!" He growled, and Bilbo's face dropped. "What were you doing?!? You nearly got yourself killed!" He made his way toward Bilbo, who fell back a few steps and looked both hurt and confused . "Did I not say that you would be a burden? That you would not survive in the wild?" He stood right in front of Bilbo and said lowly, "That you had no place amongst us?" Bilbo wasn't even meeting his eyes, but Thorin could tell that Bilbo thought he was going to insult him some more. 

 

Thorin could only look at him for a moment, completely awed by this hobbit. How was Bilbo Baggins real? He had never met anyone like him in all his days. It shouldn't be possible for so much bravery and goodness to exist in one person, especially such a small one. Yet here stood such a person, and Thorin could hardly believe his luck in meeting him. What could he possibly have done to have earned having Bilbo in his life? 

 

Before Thorin could even stop to consider it, he found himself saying, "I have _never_  been so wrong in _all my life_!" And launched himself at Bilbo, wrapping him in his arms. He hugged the hobbit for a long time, ecstatic when Bilbo returned his embrace. But, eventually, Thorin knew he had to release him. So he stepped back a pace, still grasping Bilbo's arms, and said, "I am sorry I doubted you." He meant it with all his heart. 

 

Bilbo shook his head, "No, I would have doubted me too. I'm not a hero... or a warrior..." Well, _that_  was a lie! Bilbo looked up at Gandalf and said bashfully, "Not even a burglar." Everyone chuckled at that. 

 

Thorin couldn't keep the grin off of his face as he looked at this wonderful hobbit. Bilbo looked so beautiful in the morning's light, the very essence of purity and kindness. He knew that he was staring, but he couldn't bring himself to care.  

 

Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw it. For the first time in over a century, he saw his mountain again. Bilbo turned to see what Thorin was looking at, and when he saw it he asked, "Is that... what I think it is?" 

 

Thorin made his way to the end of the carrok, and it was as if he was being wrapped in a warm blanket. He felt a happy smile grow on his face as he stared at Erebor.  

 

"Erebor... the lonely mountain... the last of the great Dwarven kingdoms of Middle Earth." Gandalf replied to Bilbo.  

 

" _Our home_..." Thorin said softly, his wonder ringing clear in his voice.  

 

"A raven!" Oin said, pointing. "The birds are returning to the mountain!"  

 

Thorin looked at it hopefully. But then Gandalf said, "That, my dear boy, is a thrush." 

 

Thorin didn't care. "But we'll take it as a sign," He said. "A good omen." He smiled down at Bilbo, infinitely pleased that he seemed so comfortable at his side.  

 

Bilbo nodded, "You're right... I do believe that the worst is behind us." He said with a happy sigh.  

 

Well, Thorin wouldn't go _that_  far. But, he'd allow Bilbo this moment of optimism. It was the very _least_  he could do. Especially in this moment of hope. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you liked it!
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bofurandori)


	12. Call me Bilbo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own The Hobbit or any of its characters. I am not making any money off of this.

To say that Thorin was not pleased with their current lodgings would be a grave understatement. Since their (clearly unwilling) host was both an unnaturally large bear and most likely an unnaturally large man, this was unlikely to be good. But, he did know that they had little choice in the matter. At least there was a chance that the man "could be reasoned with", whatever that meant in Wizard speech. 

Fili and Kili looked nervous so he gave them what he hoped was a comforting pat on the shoulder and as much of a smile as he could muster. They seemed to appreciate the effort, at least. Thorin sighed at turned to Bombur, "Bombur, see if you can find some food." 

Bombur nodded, "Yes, Thorin." Then he scooted off to try and make a meal for them. Thorin had been greatly impressed by his earlier speed, though it looked like it took a toll on him now. 

He then turned to the company, "As for the rest of you, lay out your bed rolls and try to get some rest tonight. Just make sure you do not break anything or hurt any of these animals, we must strive to be worthy of our host's generosity." 

The company sounded a unanimous agreement and began to spread out. Before Bilbo could leave Thorin called out, "Master Baggins, could I speak with you for a moment?" 

The hobbit froze for a moment, then nodded, "Yes... yes, Thorin. I'd be happy to." Bilbo gave a flustered (but happy) smile and followed Thorin's lead to a quiet space overlooking the beautiful gardens. 

When they were alone, Thorin realized that he was not quite sure what to say. Bilbo was looking up at him expectantly (hopefully?) and he knew that he needed to think of something pleasant to say. "You have been a great help to us, Master Baggins. One might even say invaluable. I want you to know that it is very much appreciated, and I must reiterate that I apologize for doubting you." 

Bilbo nodded, looking a little deflated, and said, "You said as much before." 

Thorin nodded and stepped closer, looking into his eyes, "But I wanted to let you know, away from the company, that I was sincere in what I said." He smiled down at Bilbo, "You are a wonder, Master Baggins." 

Bilbo blushed and shuffled his feet a bit before smiling up at Thorin, "Bilbo..." 

Thorin blinked, "Pardon?" 

Bilbo chuckled, "Bilbo... I would like you to call me Bilbo, Thorin." 

Thorin went wide eyed and cleared his throat, staving off a blush of his own. He shook his head, "That would not be... appropriate. 

Bilbo frowned adorably and asked, "Why not?" 

Thorin blinked. That was... a good point. "Very well then... Bilbo." It just seemed strange somehow. 

Bilbo grinned, "Thorin." 

Thorin nodded and looked away, "Is there anything you require... Bilbo? A warmer coat, perhaps?" 

Bilbo shook his head, "No, I'm fine." He smiled up at Thorin reassuringly. 

Thorin was not reassured. Frowning, he asked, "Are you certain? The one you are wearing does not seem very warm." 

Bilbo chuckled, "I'm sure. Thank you for asking, though." 

Thorin nodded, "You are welcome. Now... I must see to the others." 

Bilbo grinned at him and nodded; Thorin could feel his eyes on his back as he walked away. 

Thorin walked over to where Dwalin was. Dwalin, understandably, did not seem pleased. "I don't like this, Thorin. A skinchanger? One that doesn't like dwarves? How do you think he'll react when he comes back?" 

Thorin shook his head, "You know as well as I that we do not have much of a choice. It's either risk the skinchangers anger or have yet another battle with the orcs. At least this way we can get food and a good night's rest, both of which are sorely needed." 

Dwalin sighed and nodded, "I guess you're right. But I still don't like it." 

Thorin patted him on the back, "You do not have to like it, my friend. There is not much to like." 

Dwalin smiled slightly, then a mischievous glint showed in his eyes. "So... what were you talking about with the halfling?" 

Thorin frowned, "Nothing of importance." 

"Are you sure? It seemed you were having a cozy chat with him. Should I be looking for a braid in his hair in the future?" Dwalin was grinning now, and Thorin could punch him right in his treacherous face. 

"Shove off, Dwalin. There's nothing going on between the halfling and I." Thorin growled. 

"Really? Then I suppose you wouldn't mind if I embraced him, myself? Seemed very pleasant before." 

Thorin narrowed his eyes, "I do not care who you embrace, Dwalin." Thorin mulled over it for a moment, "Although I doubt that the hobbit would find it appropriate for you to embrace him for no reason." 

There was that smug look that Thorin was so familiar with. "True enough, I suppose. Only someone so close to him can be so forward with him." 

Thorin honestly didn't know whether he wanted to blush or beat Dwalin into the ground right now. Sometimes his best friend could be a bit too perceptive for Thorin's own good. Instead of doing either, Thorin merely cleared his throat and said, "I believe I will see how supper is coming along." 

Dwalin chuckled, "You do that." 

When Bombur called them all to dinner, Bilbo took a seat next to Thorin. Thorin looked at him with surprise at first, then Bilbo looked up at him shyly... as if asking permission. So, he just gave Bilbo a small smile and tucked into his food. 

Bilbo grinned and scooted closer to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it took so long to get this update out. I've been having a bit of writers block with this story. So I hope you like this (very late) update.
> 
> Please feel free to comment!
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bofurandori)


	13. Disappearing wizards and treacherous forests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When traveling with someone, take large does of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee.   
> \- Helen Hayes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own the Hobbit or any of its characters. I am not making any money off of this.

Thorin found himself strangely moved by the words of the Skin Changer. He had not truly pondered the fate of the other races in Middle Earth since he was young; but to see such a strong and charismatic creature be brought so low by the cruelty of the Orcs gave him pause. He knew what it was like to watch one’s kin be murdered and tormented, but he couldn’t imagine what it was like to be the very last of one’s race. His heart went out to him, and Thorin was deeply grateful that the giant was willing to help them. If he were in the Skin Changer’s place, he could not say if he would be quite so generous.

 

As he viewed the Elven Gate, a lead weight settled in his stomach at the thought of entering the forest. He knew that it was the only way that was mildly safe; but on top of the treacherous elves that made it their home, there were also many beasts that would likely love to have Dwarf and Hobbit stew (with a sprinkling of meddling wizard on top). Once again, he found himself doubting the wisdom of this journey. The world seemed to set itself against them at every turn, and he was not entirely convinced that it meant that they were doing the right thing.

 

Gandalf instructed them to set the ponies loose and as Bilbo approached the gate he said, “This forest feels… sick. A disease lies upon it.” He paused for a moment. “Is there no way around it?” Well… that was not good. When Bilbo, who adored trees and nature, wanted to avoid it… that was beyond foreboding.

 

“Not without going 200 miles north, or twice that distance… south.” Gandalf said, clearly wishing there was an alternative. Then he distractedly went into the forest, moving towards something.

 

Thorin looked at Bilbo, and saw that he was clearly fretting about what was ahead. He wished that he could go to him and give him a bit of comfort, but he would not know what to say. There was nothing _to_ say. “Yes, the forest is clearly horrible and treacherous. But at least if we die we will all be dying together!” Seemed unlikely to be of any comfort.

 

Gandalf came out in a hurry and yelled when he saw them letting their mounts go, “Not my horse! I need it!”

 

Bilbo looked up at the wizard, dumbfounded, “You’re not _leaving us_?”

 

Thorin could _not_ be hearing this right. Gandalf could _not_ be leaving them _again_. Not after he dragged them all the way to this dank Elven forest.

 

“I would not do this, unless I had to.” Gandalf replied.

 

Well, wasn’t _that_ convenient? What did he have to do? What could _possibly_ be so important that he could not put it off until _after_ they had gotten through the forest? He had a sneaking suspicion that his necessary business was remembering that he did not want to do this in the first place. That, or he realized that he was out of pipeweed.

 

Gandalf looked down at Bilbo and they spoke quietly for a moment. Thorin called Balin, Dwalin, and Fili over and said, “Listen, these woods are not going to be easy to pass through. We need to ration our food and water tightly, for there is no guarantee that we’ll be able to find any more within. We will need to watch one another closely at all times to ensure that nobody strays from the path or gets taken. That will include doubling the guard at night time.”

 

“Understood,” Dwalin responded gruffly.  

 

“We will do our best, Uncle.” Fili said.

 

Balin simply nodded and said, “Let’s hope that we are able to go through unnoticed.”

 

When Gandalf finished talking to Bilbo he said that he would meet them at the overlook on the slopes of Erebor. The wizard looked down at Thorin and said, meaningfully, “Do not enter Erebor without me.”

 

Thorin did not appreciate being talked to as if he was a child, but stayed silent. Thorin was going to go into Erebor on Durin’s day, one way or another, and if the wizard was not with them at the time then so be it.

 

“This is not the Greenwood. The very air is heavy. It will seep into your mind, and seek to lead you astray.” Gandalf said, as he began to mount his horse.

 

“Lead us astray?” Bilbo asked, confused. “What does that mean?”

 

The lead in Thorin’s stomach began to grow in size. What had he gotten them _into_?

 

“You must stay on the path. Do not leave it. If you do, you will not find it again.” He turned his horse and began to ride away, “No matter what happens, stay on the path!”

 

“Come, we must reach the mountain before the sun sets on Durin’s day! It’s our one chance to find the hidden door!” Thorin said as he made his way to the gate and into the forest. As much as he hated it, this was the only way and he had to be strong for the company. Like it or not, it was too late to turn back now.

 

The path itself was overgrown and covered with rotting leaves and mud, making it difficult to simply keep a steady foothold. The trees themselves were overbearing and seemed to loom over them menacingly, and the air around them did indeed feel heavy and overbearing.

 

Eventually Oin cried out, “Ack! I can’t breathe! I feel like I’m swimming! What’s happening?”

 

“Keep moving!” Thorin shouted out, for it was all he could think to say. The sooner they got out of this damned forest, the sooner they would be free of its torment. There was time for neither complaining or comfort at this point. Their rations were quickly being used up (as he suspected) and he was not sure how much longer they could go on this way.

 

That’s when he noticed that they’d stopped moving altogether. He went up to Nori, who was at the head of the line, and asked, “Why have we stopped?”

 

Nori pointed ahead, “The path… it’s not there…”

 

Everyone began shouting out about how they’d lost the path, which was _exactly_ what Gandalf warned them against. He could only hope that the wizard was wrong and they would be able to find it once again.

 

 After several hours of searching for the path, it seemed like the forest was playing tricks with everyone’s heads. They truly did begin to see things, and no matter how they tried they could not find the path again. Everything seemed to slow down and it was all they could do not to pass out from exhaustion.

 

Eventually he heard Dori, Bilbo, Dwalin, Bofur and Ori all talking; and he heard Bilbo say that they were walking in circles. “We’re not lost!” Thorin corrected immediately, “We keep going east!” He could not have anyone, even Bilbo, spouting nonsense like that. Thorin might not be the best guide in Middle Earth, but he knew which way east was!

 

At least… he was _pretty_ sure he knew which way east was…

 

“But which way is east?” Dori asked. “We’ve lost the sun!”

 

Everyone began to lose hope and fight amongst themselves. But amid that Thorin heard something in the distance. Something soft… something dangerous. “Quiet, all of you!” He shouted out. Then he looked at the company and whispered, “We’re being watched…”

 

The next thing he knew, gigantic spiders had set upon them and were wrapping them all in webbing.

 

This could _not_ be good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bofurandori)


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